I'm sick of it.

i'm sick of people thinking that just because i have it so good, that i have to be happy happy joy joy all the fucking time. like, i know i have it well but that doesn't mean i can't have SELF issues?? i'm sick of who i am. people need to fucking learn that just because i might not be able to kill someone, like my dad or mandy or daurna, but if i get into a fight, i'd know how to defend myself. i would have atleast one hard punch. i made scott cry when i punched him. *que sarcastic random person* woww good for you, you must be so bad ass. *end person* JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. i can't fucking do this anymore. i'm emberassed of who i am. i don't want people to think that they can just walk all over me, and that i'm just some cute little girl, and when i try to defend myself, that it's cute. i wish i could change, i wish i could be more like.... more like, mandy. i just can't do this anymore. i'm tired of this. it's like, i wake up and know that for half of the day, i'm going to be wearing a fake smile, trying not to cry. and even when it's appropriate to cry i feel like if i do, then people will feel sorry for me, that i can't do anything, that i always need to be defended by somebody else. i can fucking defend myself, ok?? is that acceptable for me to do?? god, i'm getting so fucking pissed, because this has gotten on my last fucking nerve. i know what i'm doing, ok? and if i mess up, who gives a shit?? that doesn't mean i can't defend myself, just let me learn from them, alright? i'm human. do you understand what i'm trying to say? i may be delicate, but i can also be tough. i'm done. i can defend myself. i'm done, now.
do not stay magical.