Title.

yeah, sorry, i just couldn't come up with a title. so, this is my first time home in what three weeks? yeah.   it's pretty official that we're moving. i mean, they renovated the house, and painted it and this weekend, people are coming to our house to move all our stuff. i really don't want to move out there. yeah, i felt the same way when we moved to chicago, but i got over it after a week, it's been three weeks and i can't even think about moving without crying. it's like they think it's impossible for me to be unhappy, that i'm this little girl with braids and ribbons in her hair who is a double zero and everybody loves her so there's no way i could be possibly be unhappy. but what really gets me mad is when they say "everything we're doing, we're doing for you." like, really? all last week i cried every night because i wanted to go home and you're doing that for me? well, you must be some real crappy people, lemme tell you that. my mom just doesn't talk about it which is fine because that's what i do anyway, but scott just keeps yelling. they don't think that i can make it into a selective enrollment, which really insults me. and half of the people that i used to be friends with don't even talk to me. this one girl refused to give me her number because she didn't know why she liked me, and she has to figure it out first. actual words. i just want to sleep in my own bed, watching my own shows on my own tv, snuggled in my blanket, waking up to my alarm,   use my own computer and play with my own dog. in my home. and scott goes all "you think i want to move? my only friends are in chicago and bla bla bla" THEN WHY THE HELL ARE WE MOVING? is it too much to ask that i wanted to graduate at a school i love with friends i cherish? then we can move. when the baby is already born. wouldn't it make just a tad more sense? oh wait, i forgot i'm stupid and i don't know anything.

all i want is to go home.

Well...

so, we're (me, my mom, Scott) are going to the suburbs, when we pull up to this school that they wanted to enroll me in. so naturally, i get a little nervous, and so my mom goes "we're only here to look at it" so I'm fine with that, nothing wrong with it, and the minute we walk into the office, my mom goes "hello, i would like a registration form" like, wtf??? i walked out of the office, ran back to the car, and cried my eyes out. like, i know it's stupid, but i really wanted to graduate at prussing. and i don't want to leave angel earlier than i have to. but, my school gets out an hour before prussing does, which is the exact amount of time i need to get there, so if i play my cards right, i can visit everyday. plus, every Friday at my school is a early dismissal, so I'll be able to visit at least every Friday. so technically, angel and i could still date, right? if i visit everyday. whatever. i was planning on going there on their first day, to give a personal goodbye to everybody. I'm just super disappointed, yet happy at the same time, because i'll be with my old friends. like, or the past two years, jason has been yelling at me to go to their school, and here i am. and there's no uniform, plus friday is early dismissal. just a couple of pros. stay magical:)

I'm sick of it.

i'm sick of people thinking that just because i have it so good, that i have to be happy happy joy joy all the fucking time. like, i know i have it well but that doesn't mean i can't have SELF issues?? i'm sick of who i am. people need to fucking learn that just because i might not be able to kill someone, like my dad or mandy or daurna, but if i get into a fight, i'd know how to defend myself. i would have atleast one hard punch. i made scott cry when i punched him. *que sarcastic random person* woww good for you, you must be so bad ass. *end person* JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. i can't fucking do this anymore. i'm emberassed of who i am. i don't want people to think that they can just walk all over me, and that i'm just some cute little girl, and when i try to defend myself, that it's cute. i wish i could change, i wish i could be more like.... more like, mandy. i just can't do this anymore. i'm tired of this. it's like, i wake up and know that for half of the day, i'm going to be wearing a fake smile, trying not to cry. and even when it's appropriate to cry i feel like if i do, then people will feel sorry for me, that i can't do anything, that i always need to be defended by somebody else. i can fucking defend myself, ok?? is that acceptable for me to do?? god, i'm getting so fucking pissed, because this has gotten on my last fucking nerve. i know what i'm doing, ok? and if i mess up, who gives a shit?? that doesn't mean i can't defend myself, just let me learn from them, alright? i'm human. do you understand what i'm trying to say? i may be delicate, but i can also be tough. i'm done. i can defend myself. i'm done, now.
do not stay magical. 

My official trademark?

So, this whole "stay magical:)" thing, is really growing on me. IT IS OFFICIAL. That is my trademark.  ya know, for when i become famous and all. too bad there's no trademark logo button thing on my computer. so we'll use this: *. stay magical:)* yeahhh. anywho! nothing has been going on much, i just felt like blogging. i had a specific topic but i don't quite remember. oh god, you know what? i'm wasting your time. i'm sorry. stay magical:)*