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AHHHH!!!! ok! so angel confessed. alright there's been so much stuff going on with this kid, i feel bad about not blogging. ok so on valentines day, he told me who it was. and he said nicole. ok, nicole is in fifth grade, and she's not gorgeous. so he told me that he lied about what she looked like. so it's pretty obvious he chickened out and changed it last minute. what i didn't realize was that i had started to sub consciously like him, so when he told me it was nicole, i was actually kinda hurt. alright, so i told him that. and then he didn't reply for like two days. so then i text him saying "alright, bottom line is, you like nicole, right? no details. no nothing." (excuse my poor grammar) so then he sent me a text saying "no. i said that because i didn't want to tell you that you are the one i liked. if you didn't like me back it would have made our friendship awkward. all those things i said about the mystery girl (you) were all true.  any guy would be the luckiest person on earth to have you. after we spoke (btw, we never spoke so idk what he was talking about....that's me, maegan) it was easier for me to tell you the truth. i'm sorry if this is awkward for you,i really wanted you to know." ok, here's what happened. so if you noticed, he said LIKED so i was like "but you don't like me anymore?" and he went "i do. trust me" and that was the 20th . so then today at school, we didn't even talk at all. and when we did cross paths, all i got was a wave. i expected at least  a hug. nope. so then after school he tried to text me, bu it didn't work out and we kinda just stopped (that's what she said!! sorry, i had to [: ) so then i actually kind of got pissed. and i sent him a message saying "ok, obviously you don't like me enough for me to be making such a big deal out of it. so, let's just forget the whole thing happened, because it's obvious you don't really care. let's just forget the whole thing" and then he went " I didn't get a chance to talk to you face to face. i really do like you. i can't text all the time cause i just got home. i do care a lot about you. you are my closest friend and more. can we meet somewhere so i can tell you personally, so i can show you that i really do care and do like you. you are the girl i like and unless you don't like me back, that won't change. i care with my much of my heart, that's the way i feel.  i truly do like you a lot,that's why i always hang out with you and when we talk, i listen. you are the prettiest rose in the garden, and i do care for that rose." i'm the prettiest rose in the garden!!!! me!!!! this dorky, somewhat of a nerdy, weird, crazy, not all that in shape, girl is the prettiest girl in the garden!!! i mean, seriously how often is that gonna happen???? you've got elly, who;s beyond gorgeous, and lizzie who is cute and...oh never mind. but me?!?! he's got a whole garden and i'm the one rose that he cares for!! it's crazzyyyyy! i fell special. oh! alright, so there's this guy named ivan right? and he's one of mandys friends and he's so adorable, and i just love him. so anyways! he  accepted my friend request, and i died. and then i stole his number from mandy and i text him (he knew it was me) and he replied!! and we had this whole amazing conversation, and i died. and then we were talking about mandys sweet 16, and he was like "are you excited, or what?! you're going to dance with me right?" and i literally, died, came back to life, and died again. love it. haha stay magical(:

oh, for the one and only guy who actually reads my blog (*cough* ricky *cough*) i am not going to buck the fuck up. sorry, i have a low self esteem, and you're just gonna have to deal with it. i'll try to tone it down, ok? good, we have a deal. alright, stay magical(:

私はかわいいよ!! :D

translation: i'm cute!!! :D.i heard it in a song called the world is mine by hatsune mike and thought why not? so anyways!!! drama. oh geez, alright soo angel said he would ask the girl he likes to be his valentine, so i got super excited for that, right? no. ok, so it's valentines day and i go "you have to tell me who it is!" and he goes " i couldn't ask her because she wasn't here today." and i'm thinking "but...i'm right here." but then i rememberd that elly was absent so i was all "it's elly!" and he goes "no. she's actually in my class. it's nicole feliciano." and i go "she doesn't match your description at all" and he goes "oh yeah, i lied to you about what she looks like" and i'm like "you lied?" and he's like "yeah" like it's nothing. so then i get pretend mad and walk away all "upset" and he's like running after me, yelling blablabla and he stops by me and goes " i only lied to you once." so then me with my pretend madness goes "but i don't think you get it. you still lied." and i walk away. so basicaly i gues i started to sub conciously like him, and i didn't even notice it. so when he told me it was nicole, i actually was a bit hurt. so then we're texting and i tell him how i like him, and he goes "meet me at your post tommorow after school. it will make both uf us really happy. you have to promise. i have something important to tell you." so then i go ok. and then like five minutes later he goes "no. i can't do that. you have to promise me you'll meet me. i can't forget you." so then today i'm at my post and he comes and then all the little children start going down the stairs and he goes "when they leave, i'm going to clarify things." and so all the kids leave but then his friends come and he goes "i'll text you. or call. we need to talk." and he hasn't texted me. so whatever it is he wanted to talk about, obviously isn't that important. so recently i became friends with this guy named alex herrera. younger brother of edgar herrera, dating damariaz something, i honestly don't care. so we have this awesome conversation on facebook, and then the next day at school, nothing. not even a simple hello. so then he liked my status for a truth is and i said we should talk more. so now every day at school it's a "hi maegan" and that's basically it. and he'll leave his friends just to say hello. now, i'm not saying omfg he loves me we're getting married, all that shit, i'm just saying. weird. umm let's see...flogging molly show saturday. dance competetion next friday. i saw dante today. he's so cute, i love him. and he always looks high. always. but he hates drugs. with a passion. he is hardcore from the internet. and he has lots of racist jokes, but he's not the least bit racist. well, i should go now.. stay magical(:

oh! alright, so when me and angel were standing at the top of the stairs and we were about to start talking about the situation and then william comes and he's like "maegan...." jumps on me and yells "i love you!!!" and so i go "i love you too!!!" and he goes "you better! i'm like your favorite male person." and then i remember that angel was right there and i go "you're my favorite male asian." and he leaves. yeah perfect timing william, thanks i really appreciate that. highlight haha randomness. alright so me and maria and lizzie were sitting in this secluded little area in the mobiles and then the guys who come to pick up the recycling from enviromental club came and saw us lift our heads up from the window. so we put our heads back down and then next thing you know joy lopez, and two other tiny guys are trying to push open the door and joey goes "i have a condom i swear!" (oh, btw this is typical joey. the whole scene is meant to be funny) and then this other guy goes "i have three!" oh haha three guys, three girls, three condoms, funny hilarious
-__- so then they break open the doors and they were all confused on what to do next, so they left. and then i see joey doing the whole blow job sign (you know it right? whole tounge against the cheek thing.) and so i hit the window and they get scared and leave. i feel powerful. alright! stay magical(:

*gasp* did i really do that??

alright! so i'm texting nico, like nothing. he likes this girl named emilia, btw. so we're talking and i go "are you going to ask lena to be your valentine?" and he goes "lena??" lenas the girl geo left me for. i have no idea why the hell i said her. i was thinking bout geo today, but at like the afternoon. my brain hates me. i'm not kidding, it scared me. crazyyy. so anyways. i think i might kill myself. just a note. because i was in my moms room and i tripped over something so i look to see what it was. it was a book called "yes! your teen is crazy!" -_- really? it wouldn't be thaaat bad but just the fact that i'm classified as crazy.. and so i decided to read it and all the things that it says to do to help your child, are the things that drives me to be "crazy" talk in a calm collected manner. no. see, that's what gets me mad. it's like "for gods sake speak up!!" and according to them, it makes it sound like you actually care when you talk calmly. to me, it sounds like the give no fucks whatsoever. pages of lies... so nick was seriously mad at me. again. becuase i was messing around with him and i was all "HELP I'M BEING KIDNAPPED BY TWO ANGRY POLISH MENJDFSR734RH" ( see what i did there? by adding random letters and numbers it makes it seem the guys tried to take the phone away. clever me) and he was like "what?!?!" and so i go "HELP ME PLEASE!"and so he was like "where are you??!!" and i go "i don't know!!" and so then he calls me, and he's like where are you blablabla and so i told him i was joking and he went alllll crazy. so then he text me all "FUCK YOU!! DELTE MY NUMBER AND DELETE ME OFF OF FACEBOOK!!! GOODBYE!!" so then i start freaking out because i love nick. so then the next day i sent him this huge long text (maria i have to show you) about why i'm sorry and how i cut myself and how i wanna kill myself lalala, then he replies with a heart, so it's all better :] and then today he was like "show me your wrists." and stuff like that and for me to tell him why i wanna kill myself and he told me not to, then we went and played basketball. i got lots of hugs today. and lifted up. two of my favorite things. one day. love it. soo everyone hates me, just saying. or atleast it seems like it. and self esteem hasn't been good. where the hell is my damn therapist?!?! i don't feel pretty, or skinny, or self satisfied. but whatever. no one gives a shit, right? right. so angel is going to ask the girl he likes to be his valentine. this is the first v day i won't be alone....sad, i know. so me being the terrible person i am ;] had to be all "alright, when you do it, bring one flower." i've always wanted that to happen to me. and then i said "lillies. idk about her, but i love lillies so i'm going to steal it from her" i'm such a bad person. and soo lonely. i basically planned my own valentines day... that's lowww -_- not even forever alone guy goes that low. geez. i'm the ghost of a girl that i long to be most...

the little blue signs on doors that say the room number and classroom. (happy?!)

anyways! ignore the title, school stuff. let's see, what's been going on... oh! angel. so valentines day is coming up right? and usually i'm all alone, depressed, eating ice cream watching he's just not that into you. well maybe not this year. because angel sent me that forward that's all "ask me any question and i have to tell you the answer i can't lie blablabla" so i go "are you going to ask out the girl you like on v day?!" and he goes "maybe. i doubt she likes me like that though" so i go ahead and give him this whole pep talk thing and he goes "do you still want to guess who it is?" and i go "yeah, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to" and he goes "if you guess correctly the first time, i'll tell you if thats her" so i have to play stupid now saying i can't think of anyone blablabla. and he goes "you'll know on v day. that's when i'll tell you" and i go "you're going to ask her out on v day?!" and he goes "well maybe not out but to be my valentine" and so we go on talking whatever. then i remember that i tested for lane and if i make it, it'll break his litte heart. so i go "she may be gone before you know it.. if you really like this chick you'll grab her before she's gone." and he goes "i will. soon anyways" so, yeah let's see where that goes. and now whenever i talk about this "girl" he smiles. like with this whole "omg if she knew.." kind of expression. so i officaly realized that i don't like nick. mainly because he has a gf now and according to him, he's madly in love. *phew* but then william comes into play... williams just amazing. and if you've hung out with me and him at the same time, you'll know what i mean. just the way he acts. and all the things he says but then my brain goes no maegan, he's sams guy then another part of me goes sam doesn't even like him!! i think.... (maria, you're going to have to answer that question) shit.... alright, sam if you're reading this just tottaly disregard what i said. alright? none of this ever happened..... anyways, he asked her to be his valentine today. that kinda was a chuck norris punch to the face. i don't know what happened with that. he said chocolate with an asian accent and i literally had a laughing seizure. twice. once in lunch. so you alll knew it was coming. emo time. so i was cutting right, and all of a sudden i start to bleed. alright, i've never actually started to bleed before. and so i wasn't aware it would leave a scar. that day was just bad. i got up, got yelled at by my mom, went to school got yelled at by all the teachers, went home got yelled at by scott, went to dance and got yelled at by mrs ida. so yeah, that was just a really bad day. and then yesterday elly announced she hates me becasue i'm too positive. needless to say my badass group of friends (and by that i mean J.P and jacky) yelled at her, saying i'm impossible to hate. and i'm pretty sure sam hates me too. because she just seems like she's annoyed by me. because today julia wasn't here, so i wouldve been all by myself in library. so sam goes "you....could....sit.... by.... us.. " all hesitant about it. and then when i did sit at her table (to be completely honest, i'm not sure if that was her table) she sat alllllll the way in the back. avoiding me as much as possible. and she wouldn't let maria come by me. yeah, so i'm not sure if i mentioned it or not but me and nick got into this really big fight, where he would avoid and ignore me forever. but we're all cool now. no liftups yet though): which is pretty saddening. so the weirdest thing happened. so i get out of the shower and i see a message from ricky. my first thought was "perm your fucking weave" but no. instead it said " you know what? I like you:) how many points did i say my point system had? 10000? Well you have a million:) O_o i thought he was drunk, to be completely honest. but apperantly, he thinks i'm an awesome person. and then i found he reads my blog. which i love love love. so yeah, that seems to be pretty much it. dance competition on the 25th. stay magical(:

oh! so i'm in the cafeteria and i start talking about nico and something really cute that he said. well, angel was on the other side of the cafeteria ad our cafeteria is like as big as a closet, so i'm saying the thing about nico pretty loud, so he hears (i'm just that bad of a person) so i say it and angel so obviously hears and he throws his jacket down really really hard. like, violently. crazy.... stay magical(: