We gonna have a party in jail!!!

>.< that was from a movie we watched. it was about the riots for the civil rights thing and this boy was all "i'm going to jail, he's going to jail, we gonna have a party in jail!" love it. i think i love nick. like, legiet love. lol jk, but i do love him as a friend. becuase he was being weird again and i was all "can i have a hug" and he goes "lizzie, gimme a hug." sad face. "elly give me a hug" again, sad face. then he goes "and i had to save the best for last!!" and lifts me up. i love him <3 and he's just there for me and amazingly awesome. to be perfectly honest, i don't know if i've developed a crush on him, or i just love him as a friend a lot. because i've been thinking about it, and it's like i sorta do, but then again when he first met me he was bullying me and he didn't even know my name. but then i think he doesn't bully me anymore, and he knows my name and spells it correctly. but then my mind just goes back to nico. love that kid. he was all "do you miss me?" and i go "yes(:" and he goes "on a scale from one to ten" and i go "ten" and he put a smiley. then i go "how bout you? scale from one toten, how much do you miss me?" and he goes "1000" :D then he called me sleeping beauty becuase i fell asleep in the middle of our convo. then i was all "I'm sleepy" and he goes "then go to sleep maegan!! your such a dork" then i go "but i'm your dork, right?" and he goes "yeah your my dork :) <3 !!!" and then i was all "alright, i gotta go to sleep, night my nerd(:" yeah, he's my nerd. and he goes "nite my dork <3 =)" love him. and then theres weird ass william. becuase at first it was me jessie, maria, sam, william and evan. then sam maria and jessie left. then evan left. so it's just me and william. so he pulls me and he's like "im going to push you into the snow." all calm about it... then i go "Noo!!" and we're like play fighting, whatever right? so we stop and we kind of just look at eachother and he goes "you should give me a kiss on the cheek" and i laugh a little )actually considering the idea, btw!) and he goes "*clears throat and shakes head violently* yeah, i was just...kidding" in a very serious manner. then he gave me a hug and hes like "i love you!" and i go "i love you!" and he's like "no you don't" we're still hugging btw. then i go "yeah i do(:" and he goes "ok(:" and pulls me in tighter. then he kept talking about love. so scott comes eventually and me and william are just walking around the playground talking and i go in the car with scott and he's like "where were you?" and i was all "with him" and point in williams direction and he goes "DID HE HAVE HIS ARM AROUND YOU?!?" and just freaks the hell out. then i try to explain to my mom and she sides with scott! i swear these people... oh yeah! maria, and whoever from my school who may possible read this, don't tell anyone about nick, please!! if you must talk about it, come to me. greatly appreciated. and it's not even positive so yeah. don't go crazy. stay magical(:

Sleeping in

so today i had to wake up super early and go to ITT to test for lane. ok, the test was like sooo easy, it's not even funny. but the kid next to me just wanted to watch the world burn. because he's trying to go at a super fast pace, but i guess he went into panic mode because he put his head down and started to bite his arm. i seriously thought he was trying to bite it off. scared me. and then the stupid testers are crazy. because i'm taking my test, and then one of them is just standing next to me, watching everything i do. then another one comes (there were 3) and she's watching me too, and they're whispering things to each other! WTF?!? and then the next thing i know they're all by me and watching what i do. i either did super good, or really really bad. and the fist one who came was named megan. i don't know if she thought we had some sort of connection or something but she was just all up on me and my test. we had 40 minutes and i finished it with 9 minutes left. i think there was only two or three people who didn't finish. and then i had to go to st. bens (my fist school. of the three i'v been to) and take some stupid is at preparedness test. they started off by giving us a hour long test. the test i took for lane wasn't even that long. and it was basically impossible. i'd like to see how lizzie does, she's there right now. ok, one of the questions AND I"M NOT LYING, CROSS MY HEART was "what is the 3456th term of this pattern abcdefabcdefabcdef..." seriously?!?! how am i supposed to figure that out?! and then we had a 6 minute break and then the teacher gave us a short lesson on math. the only thing i like about her is that she pronounces my name right. MAEgan. like, may. but mae. there was this guy in the class named tommy... he was cute. just saying. and i saw some people i used to go to school with. mind you, i left there at second grade, but i've seen some of them in places. so there's this girl named sophia and she and i never early got along all that well. and i learned today that she's incredibly stupid. because you know the division rule for six? how if the sum or something is divisible by 2 or 3? well she was all "ok, lets say 24, would that be divisible by 6 because of the two in it?" and i'm all yes, it is divisible by six but not like that, you stupid!! i wanted to smack her. slakfjdfkjdsbfinsdf i'm tired as hell. lizzie's coming over for dinner so i should take a power nap so i don't bit her head off. stay magical(:

Worst day of the year for me? february 14th. -_-

Mrs. Loy was a bitch today!!! see, allen forgot his homework today, so she made him do ten push ups. my poor allen!!! i love him, he's just so adorable. so, nick is just weird. he's always talking about "if we were dating this" and "if we were dating that". like today, it was freakishly cold and scott was like 30 minutes late, so i'm standing there freezing and nick gives me a hug but i hold his arm around my shoulder because well, it was cold and he was all (ok ya'll know i'm incredibly short) "if we were dating i wouldn't even have to put my arm up, you just fit" and then he told me the lowest grad he'll date a girl in is sixth grade. but she has to be tall so she doesn't really look like an sixth grader. and then he hugged me, and lifted me up and he was walking and i really didn't know where he was walking and he put me up against the wall and him being stupid was all "oo against the wall" and laughed his ass off. and then today because my hair was so super wet because of the snow, i looked bad and my nose and cheeks were all red so i was texting him and  i was all "why didn't you tell me i look bad?" and he was all "what?" and i go "my face. it looked bad" and he was all "well you always look good to me (:" yeah. whatever. him and elly say i ask for the whole lift up thing, which i don't really think i do, because i don't ask for it verbally, it sorta just happens like that. and i don't know if he meant it in a bad way or in joking way, but i'm going to stop for now and if he says something then it'll happen again. because  nick would say something, trust me. so today i went to my godbrothers house, dante. i love dante. i really do. he's just so cute. because we were talking about the whole lane testing thing and he was all "you'll be fine, trust me you're smart as hell so it's all good." then i was all "what if i make it, but everybody hates me and i don't make any friends" and he was all "maegan, you're cool as shit you're going to make friends. and if you don't i'll introduce you to my friends, you can hang with us, and you'll make friends because they'll think you're so cool for hanging with sophomores" so he's got it all figured out for me. :] speaking of lane testing, i have that tomorrow, and i'm nervous as shit. like,  i know it's an easy test, but...i don't know i'm just scared. but maria, sam , and brian are going to be there so that makes me feel better. stay magical(:

9gag

i think coming up with how to start off a post is the hardest part for me. anyways! crazy stuff has been happening. so, nick text me and he was pretending to be nico. he kept coming up with excuses. like i was all "send me a pic of you" and he said "my new phone does't have a camera because i had to buy it with my own money" and so i said "what do you call emilia?" muchkin, remember? and he said " i don't call her anything" yeah, then i was all "who is this?" and he's all "your hug buddy" he just so happens to be my hug buddy now. then again i was all "just tell me who you are" and he said "take a guess :)" and so i said "nick?" and he was all " :)" so then i was all "eff you nick!!!! eff you!!!" and he said "haha love you too <3" crazy. omg williams so cute. because i'm walking in the hallway and then he comes with his arms in hugging position and goes "we never talk anymore" and i'm like "Aw. but you don't hang out with sam anymore so i didn't know.." and he's all "because i don't hang with sam anymore doesn't mean we can't hang out?" and i kind of just lost it at that point and almost cried. adorable. then after school i saw him, and i gave him a hug and he was all " I LOVE YOU!!!!" so then me being me goes "I LOVE YOU!!!" aren't we just adorable?(: so angel said the girl he likes was just pretty. that's it. so i went up to him and i'm all "that was very offensive" and he goes "What?" and i go "you said the girl you like was just pretty. but i bet she's DAMN gorgeous." *laughs* i'm such a terrible person. so then he text me and was all "you're right, the girl i like is gorgeous" and i go "awh, cute(:. wait how do i know if you're lying or not? ':/" and he goes "trust me, i'm not. she's PRETTY.' >.< love it. i think that's my favorite face now. >.< you"ll probably be seeing it a lot. idk why, but my self esteem level has been seriously low. like i see my self as super fat, ugly, and just...idk nasty. i seriously need help. and not from my therapist from someone who i truly know won't possibly be lying to me, when they tell me i'm pretty, or skinny. that's what i need. for someone to tell me i'm pretty, or skinny. and mean it. idk, i'm just mentally insane like that. i absolutely love my therapist though. because i went to her yesterday and she made me popcorn. and a capri sun. which was wild cherry, btw. doesn't she know that no one likes wil cherry? seriously, get with the times lady... so ever since i got nicks number, he's been so super cute. he's always giving me hugs and being silly and defending me. but the only reason i think he's doing it is because he just broke up with his girlfriend, and she dumped him, so i think he's sad and trying to cover it up. i think it's so terrible when a girl dumps a guy. especially if the guy was series, its like come on, what kind of sick minded person are you? sad. ohmigod, my soda just fell i'm scared to open it. well, mother just got home and i'm not supposed to have a blog so i'm gonna guy. stay magical(: (I'm thinking about ending all my blogs like that, idk)

Shoes

alright, this is like super weird. i'm eating a kid cuisine. i haven't eaten one of these since we lived in the apartment on mozart. and i was seven when we moved out. crazy. so, angel is just...sad. he keeps telling me all these amazing features about the girl he likes, when it's so obviously me. sad. he said he might ask her out. which at this point, i'm kind of just waiting for it. i already told you my plan, and i'm sticking to it. period. so i think ms mccright seriously has something against me. she got so aggravated she said "I need chocolate". i drove her to chocolate. hm, that should be a t shirt. i'd wear it. anyway! today in gym, we had ladders, which literally scared the shit out of me. we had to climb to the top of a ladder, sit and then walk down. then we had to go on the back of the ladder (they were tilted) and climb up from the back, hanging, basically upside down. and then once we got to the top, we had to just hang there and then go down like that. scary. but coach dupont seemed to be satisfied with my doings. um, i don't really know what to talk about. how are you guys? (I'm going to be a you tuber here[:) leave a comment, telling me how you are. there's going to be two comments. maria and mandy. oh! so apparently if my name wasn't maegan people think i should've been candy. yup, people have named me candy. but it's not spelled like that it's spelled kandii. i'm basically a stripper non stripper. if that makes sense. i tried explaining that if my name wasn't maegan, it'd be crystal. or at least that's what my mama said. you know what i realized? you never really think of the cool kids having parents. you just look at them and think "yeah, you just know they're on they're own" but no. because i'm having with nick and he's like super awesome and he goes "i should've listened to my mom this morning when she said to put on jacket" and i immediately though "mom?!" it's weird. it's like, they just have that personality that never really makes you think they have parents. it's the same with teachers. quite strange actually. lizzie's pretty obsessed with edin now. like, before she used to go to the basketball games, for the actual games. but today, she told me she only goes for the games for edin. and she's all "i think i distract him" and I'm just all BITCH HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE YOU. if she hasn't noticed, he's been avoiding her ass like she's some sort of disease. drives me crazy how she thinks every single guy in the whole fucking school likes her all because one guy liked her for a short period of time. grr... one of these days.... oh! so my titles are still going to be things i like but it's going to be other titles as well. because lately i've been thinking of some good titles but i'm like damn! i can't use it because of the whole situation thing. so yeah, that's just whats going to be happening.

Sleeping

i don't know what people are talking about. they're all "detention is bad you're going to die they make you do all this shit blablabla" bitch please, all i did was read for an hour. people are crazy. it was probably the most relaxing moment of this whole week. so, angels been going crazy. he's like super obsessed with me now. like ok, calm down. and now bryans starting to act up again.... seriously these people could do a lot better than me. hm, whatever. so you know how nick is always lifting me up? today he scared the shit out of me. because i'm standing at post, and nick comes so i go and give him a hug and he like gives me a really long hug. and i was like "ok, this is getting awkward.." then BOOM he lifts me up. love it. i think nick is my favorite person to be lifted by. only because he's in eighth grade so he's like super super tall and he lifts me up pretty high. ok, so i was texting angel and he refused to tell me who he liked. i kinda just wanted him to admit and he basically did. so heres what happened. i was like "describe her. but don't be all her hair is this her eyes are that. say how you see her." and he goes (ok, tell me if this sounds like me) "she's in seventh grade, gifted, she's funny, i love her laugh and smile. she's pretty. she's sensitive and caring." sounds like me right? yeah then this kind of gave it away " and i don't want to tell you because it would be awkward when we hang out" :/ really? so me playing dumb goes "why would it be awkward?" i'm such a terrible person(: i'm considering taking him out of friendzone. idk, maybe i will. ok, so lizzie is like seriously obsessed with edin. on wednesday she got all dolled up for library because she sits next to him. like, i go to her house in the morning and i almost died because she put the whole fucking bottle of perfume on. oh! i was walking down the hallway with elly and victor was on my side of the hall and so elly, the genius, was all PUSH and pushed me into him. ok, this wouldn't be that bad if he hadn't backed away in complete and utter horror. he was probably thinking "EW YOUR FACE" yeah, but what he lacteally said was "woah" yeah, he was absolutely disgusted at the sight of my face. so yesterday, i'm waiting in the lunch line with elly and J.P and hailey were in front of us. mind you, we weren't even talking to them. so elly said something and i started laughing like crazy  and hailey turns around and goes "i love your laugh. it's just so cute" and then J.P goes "well maegan is just cute in general" and then hailey goes "i know! she's just so tiny and adorable" and then gives me this huge hug with her face all up against mine. but what killed me is that they were having this conversation like i wasn't even there! completely ignored my presence. and then today people were obsessed with my "cuteness" because jacky and sam were just going insane. then again, aren't we always going insane? tomorrow i have my first competition. and nor my father or sister are going. -_- i feel the love. then on sunday i have swan lake auditions. then on monday i get to relax. it's martin luther kind jr day so, no school. so i texted ricky because of this stupid little thing with mandy and we've been texting ever since. strange kid. how i wish i could sleep forever...

oh geez, i just realized i repeated the whole angel description scenario..... whatever i'm not going to erase it. lql

Blankets

woah, today was crazy. remember how  i told angel to contribute to society by asking the girl he likes out? well he didn't ask me out, but... just read. ok! so i was all "are you going to contribute to society like i told you to?" and he's like "how?" and i'm like "by asking the girl you like out!" and hes like "oh, maybe" and so i was like "you gotta tell me who it is" and he refused. so then we were texting and i was like "just describe her. but don't be like her hair is this her eyes are that. say it how you see it. adjectives!" and he said "she is funny. i love her laugh . she's pretty. no, beautiful. she's sensitive and caring. she's in seventh grade and shes in gifted. i don't wanna tell you becuase if you know itd be awkward when we hang out." that is so obviously me. and i was like "do you see her a lot?" and he goes "everyday." yeah.. and he told me to guess who it was so first i said elly then lizzie and i'm thinking i'm so not obviously going to guess me, duh. so yeah. It's jut crazy. So for science we have to make a skit for bullying. And there has to be two parts: what happens when no one does something and when someone does something. My group consists of sam, jacky, and veronica. People say veronicas weird and everything just because she's shy. But she's actually funny and cool. I like her. So in my skit i'm the bully, sams the victim jackys the bystabder and veronicas the teacher. Sam has to put on nerd glasses, i put my hair in a bun, veronica gets a clip on tie, and jacky puts on headphones. I fake punch sam. Like i do the thing where you hit your hand. Yeah. Geez, i gotta go to sleep or my moms going to yell at me. Goodnight gorgeous ( or handsome). I love you(:

Hugs

I'm highly upset. because i went to jazz expecting Mr Brantley to tell us who got the leads and he hasn't even assigned them yet! the man had three months. three months. ugh, so upset. so anyways! today was awfully awkward. because I'm at my post, and angel comes and so it's kind of just us there and i was going to give him his Christmas present, but stupid kasim kasim (yes, that's his real full name) comes and starts talking with angel. they were doing the usual guy insult thing. so I'm standing there and this is what ended up happening.
kasim: *looks at me then angel* are you dating her?
Angel: *pauses* *in a very very sad voice* no. no were not
omg i felt so bad!! i told him to ask the girl he likes out, but nooo he's too chicken shit to do it. so then kasim laves and me and angel go down stairs. so angel leaves to go to his game, and he gives me the biggest hug in the whole wide world. his friends actually were  yelling at him. it was funny though because Uriel was yelling at him and angel was like "hey!" and then he was like "yeah because we we all know you-" then angel was screaming "ALRIGHT! WELL WE GOTTA GO TO PRACTICE, SO SHUT UP URIEL!!" love it. so, nick has a girlfriend and he hasn't been coming to post. this upsets me so much. see, whenever i would get a hug from nick, he would lift me up. note how it is a past title. so imagine getting something you love everyday and then boom it all ends because he decided to get a girlfriend. and they don't even look that cute together but apparently it's an adorable relation ship. whatever. damn! everyone's getting in relation ships! nick has caitlyn (sp?), omar has idalit, victor has stephanie. its just crazy. and wheres mine and Marias boy? well, mine is either at st hilary with broken leg, or at Prussing with the basketball team. i think angles going to ask me out, first. to be honest, i'd love it if he did because i know i don't need a boyfriend, but having one is nice. and poor maria.... if i were a guy, i'd date here. wow, that sounded a whole lot less creepy in my head. lql. i didn't mean it in a creepy way, just so you know. so, about this whole detention thing, my mom is kind of going crazy. like she's all onto of me on everything now. like seriously, calm down. i need to see my therapist. see, i really like it. having a therapist and all, because i can tell her everything and she won't judge. that's what i realyyy love about her is that she doesn't judge.  because if she did she would be the worst therapist in the world. no one wants to think they can go to someone and tell them everything and then be judged about it. because for all we know, they're suffering from depression and she just made it worse and next thing you know the police are finding that person in their closet hung by a rope all because their stupid mom is going crazy about one little detention....

Being lifted

well, today was the day i died on the inside officially. see, i forgot to turn in my progress report signed so now i have a detention. this ruins everything! if i get a detention, it's going to go on my record, if it goes on my record. I'll never make it into a good high school and everything just ends for me. but it's not like i did anything bad. i just didn't tun in a piece of paper. here's what's going to end up happening. I'm going to tell my mom because i need to get the paper signed, she's going to totally freak out and start treating me like a total delinquent. terrible. this will affect my whole life. no kidding. the only somewhat good thing about it, is that there's a possibility victor will be there too. he gets detentions. angel had detention today, hilarious. speaking of angel, he was very supportive about the situation. he met me at my post, and i almost cried (wow aren't i a lame ass -_-) and he was like holding me and blablabla. i think it's my fault because i told him the reason the world was so bad was because there aren't enough couples in the world, so he should ask the girl he likes out. and you know what he said? he said he's been thinking about it for a while now. *sigh* i really do feel bad for the kid. so yesterday, i forgot to say this i was walking down the hall and i see this kid named nick Ayala. to him, I'm his smurf . that's my nickname because I'm so short. anyways! I'm walking down the hall and he's like "smurf!" and opens his arms, obviously wanting a hug. so i just keep walking. then about two minutes later, i see him again and he ditches his girlfriend to come give me a hug. (ok i didn't mean that like omg he loves me he left his girlfriend. no. he's in eighth grade, and is probably twice my size) but he didn't just give me a hug, he did what he always does, he lifts me up. as you can tell by previous posts, and the title i love being picked up, oh so much. and i' always getting picked up. Landon. angel, nick. its crazy. Landon lifted me forever and nick lefts me every time i see him. angel, well i stopped letting angel lift me because he held me way too long. so, because i;m always getting lifted up, Elly hates it. she's just like "i never get picked up. never" love it, it's hilarious. but i do very much enjoy it. so! today was cray. because Scott told me could stay at school until 3:05 so i did. and i did tell him that my phone was dead, and yeah. so anyways, he pulled up to the school, and i didn't acknowledge him at all, and then he started yelling all crazy and giving me this whole lecture about how i shouldn't treat him like shit. and blablabla. and he also said one of the most offensive things ever he was all "don't treat me like some red headed orphan in the corner, with no friends" he clearly hasn't seen Annie.  he's just insane. and he was like "I'm just giving you things to think about lalala" whatever, and I'm thinking "yeah, you're making me think about how I'm going to runaway, and what to put in the letter I'll leave." i swear, one day I'm going to do it. just. leave.

Watching a dance in perfect unison

ok, so basically being back at school is weird. not weird like i'm on acid weird, it's just weird because now i'm getting up at six in the morning again when usually i'd just be falling asleep right around then. gotta get back in the swing of things. today was fun, i guess. got to see all me people again <3 but i think the person who was the most weird to see was angel. because over winter break he would always say these cute things like "don't worry, you'll look beautiful" or "he's just mad because he wishes he could kiss a pretty girl like you" and angel isn't like that in person, he acted like everything was normal but i was like waiting for something crazy to happen. ok! so i felt bad that i didn't get him a christmas present so i told him i'd just give him a kiss on the cheek. i already friend zoned him so whatever. and i was going to after school but scott came all crazy and saying how we had to go because he's got some people at his job or something like that. anyways, before all that i told angel to meet me at my post for marshals and mrs flesor (teacher from hell) let them out late, so i finally met up with him right after marshaling had ended so we're walking and you could so tell he wanted that kiss, it was pretty obvious. he was like putting his arm around me and ditching people just to be with me. *sigh* poor angel. like i said i would date him if he asked me out. i guess now i'm completely over victor. yeah, i really like nico. oh! and guess what?!?! ok,so camryn has this dance coming up at her school and she said she'd take me to meet nico. yeah, and there's a slow dance. so you never know ;]. like i said in another blog i never got to dance with a guy at my dance because of fucking lizzie. maybe this will be my chance. here's my concern though, i'm a tiny 4'9 and nicos 5'4. see, i thought that i wouldn't be able to reach him. Well, it turns out that camryn in 5'3 and a half and i can reach her fine so whatever. BUT what if i'm not what he thought i was? Like he had this whole vision of what i look like and then he meets me and i'm uglier or fatter or weirder than he thought. Sure, we've skyped but that's just my face. Idk camryn says i'm absolutely gorgeous and he'll leave emelia for me and if he doesn't its his loss. love her. I'm prerty excited to meet him i guess. I might not even go. I just…have the biggest crush on him. Whatever, tommorow i'm going to hang out with angel after school so we'll see how that goes. Oh yeah don't forget the whole title thing. Just reminding. Love you:]

We had a normal conversation....

ok, so for the next couple of blogs, the tile is going to be some of my favorite things, got it? good. anyways!! this weekend was spent by my old house, at my neighbors. it was so mch fun. ok, so yesterday, i went to orchard park with mikaela and bryanna. and jason. holy shit, seeing jason was fun as hell. the only thing thats changed about him was he got somewhat attractive. i was wearing sunglasses and he took them and wore them the whole day. yeah, nothings changed.  ok,so this guy named landon showed up. and right away, i knew something was going to happen because when he got there, he was just staring at me for a good five minutes. then mikaela left and the guys. landon, jason, matthew. grabbed my iPod, and started throwing it around. mind you, it was extremely cold outside and i really didn't feel like running to get it, so i kind of just let them do their thing. then they started trying to open it, by guessing multiple pass codes. so, i really didn't want my iPod to be disabled so i asked for it back. yeah, no they wouldn't give it back. so then at one point, i guess i got a little too close to jason and my iPod and landon grabbed me from behind, picked me up and just held me there forever. ok, i love love love love love love love love being picked up. especially by guys. and then he put me down and was kind of just holding my hand to keep me away. and then he did that thing where guys hug you from behind, but its not really a hug, more like a hug around the neck, but not a choke. you get what i'm saying. and if you don't, i'm terribly sorry. but if i know you, and you don't get what i'm saying, i'll show you. anyways!! landon eventually kept picking me up constantly and hugging me like that, and staring at me, it was pretty obvious he was into me. and he is not unattractive. but all of this happened after mikaela left. see, she used to like landon, and i think landon knew and didn't want to make her mad, or something. i don't know it's just a theory. oh! guess what!!!!! ok, so i sent in an application for the eighth grade program for lane, and they said they want me to test to get in! ahhh!!!! i test on the 21st. if i make it into the eighth grade thing, then it's a guaranteed in for high school there. it would be amazing. it seems pretty easy to make friends, and i guess i'm somewhat attractive,so should get some guy friends too. and nico says he wants to go to lane too, so if we go to the same high school, we could maybe possible date ;] yeah, crazy. oh! the title, i must explain it. ok, so jason was very obsessed with geo while we were dating and was pretty upset when he found out we broke uo, so he was constantly calling geo. and then like maybe eh, two hours after we all left the park geo sent me a text saying "hi, is this maegan?" because he deleted my number, -_-. and i was like yeah,sorry about the phone calls, blablabla and then he made me explain why jason kept calling him, and i was like, it's going to be awkward to explain and he was like no tell me, so i had to explain about when we were dating and stuff like that, and he was just like ohhh. yeah, he can't say i didn't warn him about the awkwardness. i got a hug from jason! you guys don't even understand how bad i wanted that hug. see, i used to have this major crush in him and i'm totally over it now (duh, nico) but i guess the urge to hug him was still there, so i just had to. but i didn't sound like a lonely freak when i got it, because he asked me for a hug. you could sooo tell he missed me. he was yelling at me about how i said i'd move back, but never did. so i told him i might move back next year and he made me promise. and then he jumped over me. yeah, he had me bend down a little bit at the end of a picnic table and he ran and jumped. it was sooo much fun. oh yeah and landon was like getting attacked by matthew, so again, he picked me up, and started swinging me around claiming i was his "weapon". i hope i get to see him again. i love being lifted. hm , maybe it will be a blog title...

Soft & dreamy

so, yesterday, i went ice skating with lizzie. it was pretty fun. so, there were these two guys. and they were like super super good ice skaters. and at first, we didn't think much of them. and then they started following us. like, they would wait at every corner for us, then when we'd pass them up, they would skate right behind us. then they were having a dance competition in the middle of ice traffic so i went around them, pretty fast. then i get to the other side of their little thing and i turn around and wait for lizzie. then i see one of them. the cutest one. slowly turn his head around. so i'm just watching him, then he notices that i can see what he's doing, looks at me, then quickly turns his head around. and then when ice skating was over, i guess they were working for the place because they were rounding up all the people. so, they were like yelling out that ice skating was over. like, yelling pretty loud. then lizzie and i are so obviously skating towards the exit when they decide to come up to us and tell us personally that ice skating has ended. then when lizzie and i were outside of the rink, and we were by scott and my mom, scott had a question and i was standing next to scott. so the kid was about to yell out the answer, but he looked, saw me, then quickly skated over, stopped directly in front of me, and continued on with the answer. and he lived like right across the street from the place, i guess because he was walking like right in front of lizzie and i. so me and lizzie stopped walking, and waited until he was farther up ahead. so me being me, i was yelling out "YO!!" and nothing happened so i yelling it again "YOO!!!" and this time he turned around and saw that it was me and lizzie. so, he stopped, looked, smiled, turned around and kept walking. it was funny. so anyways, its set in stone that lizzie likes edin. that's alllll she would talk about yesterday. edin this, edin that blablabla. so decided to pullout the nico card, and tell her all the cute things nico has ever said to me. i won, by the way. so then nico texts me. and he was flirting, like he always does, but this time idk what was up with him. so i said: "i'm sleepy.." and he said "really? who's with you?" and i go "mmhh, and no one." so then he goes "you wanna sleep in my arms?" and so i go "yes" and he's like "really?!" and i go "mmhh" and then he goes ":D" like, ok dude, calm down. you've asked me that question like three times already. so yeah, i don't know what his deal was. anyways, today i'm going to the mall to buy shoes because the rubber on the bottom of mine is coming off. i think i'm getting osiris. and mandy, idk if you hate them or not (it seems like you would) but i really like them, ok?! but heres the thing: i have to take a cab to my moms job. with my grandma of course. see, heres the deal. i hate cabs. absolutely hate them. ever since i got this one really creepy driver. and i don't know what kind of driver i'm getting, but i'm bringing my pocket knife. you. never. know. but i told my mom to ask the cab people to give us a driver that won't talk and will just get us there quick and easy. see my thing is, he's going to take us to my moms job but just drive right past it. now, i can easily jump out of the car, but my grandma. not so much. i'm. too. young. to. die. period. apparently, according to my mother, my grandma can kick ass, but think that was just a lie. let's just hope god loves me today, and nothings going to happen. i just won't sit in the middle, cuz they always talk to whoever's in the middle. i really hate cabs. i don't understand why we can't just take the bus. whatever, i'll just stab the guy. if i really need to.

I thought you was the backson! Until i found out you wasn't!

so, i am extremely tired. yesterday nico called and we ended up talking until four in the morning. his sleepy voice. adorable. and he gets so cute when he's tried. or maybe he's just like that and i've never actually heard it in persons, i don't know. but basically the day before yesterday we were talking (again at like 3) and i told him i was sleepy but i couldn't fall asleep. so then yesterday we were talking (phone call this time) and he was like "you sleepy?" and i'm like "just a bit" and he's like " maybe now you can fall asleep" and i go "heh, maybe i can" and he's like "*in his sleepy voice btw* just maybe":) then he was like "you sound tired sleepyhead" then i'm like "i am kinda tired" and he goes "then go to sleep silly" and i go "but...freddie....." and he goes "*light laugh* i'll protect you" then i go "you will?" and he goes "I promise" then we say goodnight blablabla, yeah. so then today we were talking and i'm like (texting now) "watcha up to?" and he goes "getting ready for bed" cuz he starts school tomorrow then i'm like "oh, well i'll go so you can go to sleep" and he's like "i don't want you to go" and i was like "you don't?" and he's like "no I'm not even tired" then i go "then i won't go:)" and he goes "thank you!! luv yuh!!" let me repeat that: luv yuh. i'm not lying. and if i know anyone who reads this and doesn't believe me, i will show you the text. crazy shit is going down. anyways! yesterday, i went to dave & busters with elly. all was going well until the self esteem crusher came along. so we're standing at the prize counter patiently waiting for the lady and some african american kid (he looked around our age) came up to elly and was like "excuse me, you see that boy over there?" then he starts yelling at the kid, because he was running away. so basically, the kid thought elly was attractive. and to be honest, i'm not blaming him. so then he leaves and i look back at him and he's waving at elly with this huge smile on his face. normally, this wouldn't bother me. ok that was a lie, shit like that always bothers me. only when i'm there though. because here i am, just watching elly get adored, and to be honest, it hurts. it really does. I've never had a good self esteem to begin with. and then now that everyone around me is getting prettier and stuff, it feels like.. I haven't changed. i don't feel as pretty as other people and it really affects my self esteem. sure, i'm always talking shit about how "oh, i'm just THAT cute" and stuff like that, but that's just like a little pep talk i give to myself. i mean, i wake up and get ready for school, right? well, in the morning, i don't like that bad. to me, at least .then i go to school with all this confidence and see my friends. like elly, she's just so damn gorgeous. and so is maria. and i hate to admit it, but yeah lizzie is cute too. and sam. sam is just adorable. and then i look at myself and i have all these flaws. i have so many pimples, i'm not as skinny as i would like to be.my face shape is weird, my hair is nasty looking and i'm just not as pretty as my friends. and it's always been this way. feeling left out in the world of beauty. oh! and my clothes are just terrible.yeah, there's days when i feel absolutely gorgeous and that's usually when i'm around someone like angel who thinks I'm pretty (or beautiful as he told me) and isn't afraid to tell it to the world. and he isn't, trust me.... MARIA IF YOU'RE READING THIS, YOU'RE GORGEOUS AND I LOVE YOU, OK? well, tomorrow i'm going to the mall with elly so maybe i can buy some decent clothes. gotta go. mwah.

My trampy little sister says myspace is the new booty call

well, welcome to 2012 people. you know how you can just tell if a year is going to be good or bad? i can't tell. new years eve was..ok. the party itself couldve been better. it wasn't a typical valencia party. but i did get some alchohol beverages so it was all good. So, angel's in new york. and he said he would give me a text kiss at midnight, so thats what happened. but technically, i got "kissed" twice. becuase new york is one hour ahead of us. so, on his midnight he just put "kiss kiss mwah! happy new year :)" then on my midnight he put "*kiss*" ok, this is MY theory, he put the kiss in asteriods. which means, he literally wanted to kiss me. crazy, right? well, not really, becuase he's like madly in love with me now. he ends all the conversations with "mwah". this could means two things one: he's gay. two: he reallyyy likes me. I'm going with number two. and then i told him how nico waits like an hour sometimes to reply and he's like "he's just mad becuase he wishes he could kiss a pretty girl like you". yeah, exactly. and then he was like "what are you doing?" and im like "trying to make myself look somewhat pretty for today" and he's like "don't worry, i'm sure you'll look beautiful" adorable. so last night i couldn't fall asleep at all and i was pondering wether or not i should go to pops room and watch tv. so i'm barely falling asleep and at around 11:47 i get a text from nico. and he was continuing the conversation we were having previously so i was like "holy crap nico you scared me" then i explained why blablabla and hes like "im so sry!! i'll be quiet :-X" and then i was like "im sleepyyy but i can't fall asleep" then hes like "maybe if i was there you could" then i was like "i bet i would" and hes like "i know you would" then after that (not directly after like maybe an hour. we talked til 3) i was like "its hot as hell in my room" and hes like "it would get even hotter if i walked in" then i was like "oh wow nico" and hes like " it would reach boiling point" so, yeah. he's like that. and i completely forgot what we were talking about. then at 3 i fell asleep and he replied and then like five minutes after he replied he was like "hello?" then i replied like 3 hours later. i actually fell asleep holding my phone. crazy how i didnt feel the vibration. so, today i'm going to dave & busters with elly. it was supposd to be with lizzie too, but she canceled. god loves me today. haha lql. oh! by the way, "lql" means laughing quite loudly. so, you'll be seeing that a lot. to be completely honest, i'm waiting for angel to ask me out. just to get it over with. i don't know what i'd say. maybe i'd say yes but tell him to just keep it between us. or maybe i'd say no. but then it'd be awkward and i don't want to lose him as a friend. i honestly don't know. oh!!! for all my project runway people, did you watch the finale?! MY CHRISTIAN WON!!!!!! happiest day of my life, seriously. i almost cried. he was my absolute favorite. <3