Can we talk about something serious for once?

I don't handle death well. I really don't. And if you've ever been at a funeral with me, you know that. So when it's Thanksgiving day, and everybody is so super happy and we get a panicked phone call from Puerto Rico saying my grandpa died, it kills everything. It all happened so fast, one minute people are questioning why some people are crying, and the next everybody's crying in a dark house. And the sort of creepy part of the whole thing was right when everybody starts crying, the sun goes away, the wind kicks in and starts to rain. It easily could've been in a movie, all the lights were off, and it was absolutely quiet. You could only hear people crying. And then at one point, (Thanksgiving was held at my Uncle Freddys' house) someone told Jali what had happened at she starts screaming. And I don't mean going down a roller coaster screaming. I mean crying screaming and she's yelling out things like "NO!!!! YOU TOLD ME HE WASN'T GOING TO DIE!!!!" and "YOU LIED TO ME!! YOU ALL LIED TO ME!!!!" It was pretty intense. Then my Uncle Freddy puts on his shoes, and walks out of the house, without telling anyone where he's going. So, we had to start a search party because we didn't know if he was going to do anything stupid. I think the worst part of it all, was seeing my mom cry. There are just some people I can't stand to see cry, and my family is a big one. Especially my mom.  I mean, kids have this thing about moms. That they're these beautiful magical creatures that can do anything and are better than superwoman. So when you see this hero of yours, break down and cry it breaks a little part of your heart off. And I felt so shameful because I knew there was nothing I could do about it. I could comfort her as much as possible, but I couldn't bring back her dad. I totally get it, too. If my dad died after being in ICU for a month, i'd be miserable as well. And she does this thing when she's really sad where she lets out a subtle little laugh. And I think that was when I realized that no matter how much people told me it was, nothing was going to be okay. There were so many things that i've done with this man, that I don't think I could do again without him. In Puerto Rico, there's this restaurant chicken joint called Chanos Chicken. And every time i'd go to see grandpa, we'd go there. (This place has the best chicken, ask anyone.) I've never once been there without him. We'd get our chicken to go, then we'd go to this one beach and sit there and enjoy our chicken. So, today I asked my mom if I could ever eat there and she said no. Maybe once for memory, but no. And that hurt. The last time I ate there with him, a storm had crashed onto the beach and destroyed half of the dock. So the tradition was already half gone when he was alive. Traditions break, and people die but you can't really let go of the memory. Yeah, the first couple weeks are going to be hard, there's no doubt about that, but eventually you have to let it go and keep it with you. There are those people that just can't let it go, they can't move on. And they usually die or have something bad happen to them, simply because they don't know how to treasure memories without having to live them everyday. But then there are those people that let it go too much. And they forget everything they've ever had with that person because they don't want to remember and they don't want to be sad. I don't think you can be like either of those people. I think you have to be strong enough to not completely let yourself go, but sad enough to let out a few tears every once in a while. Being strong is the only thing to do. What are you going to do? Kill yourself? Why would you want to put your family through even more grief? You have to stay strong. And that's what i'm going to do. It's what I have to do. We're leaving for Puerto Rico tomorrow at 4 pm, and we don't come back until December 2. I don't want to see my grandma cry, I really don't. She's always been this lively, wonderful, happy person and just hearing her cry over the phone today, killed me. But I know what I have to do. And i'm going to. I'm going to give my family all the love and support I can and hope to get at least half of it back. Stay magical:)

Did they set this up??

soooo today i was really bored, so i went on google and looked up interesting facts to read. soo i'm getting to number eighteen when i read this: 18. the color blue has a calming effect. it causes the brain to release calming hormones. yeah, i know it sounds like no big deal but my room is blue. and mind you i did not pick out the color of my room, my mom did. and every color she showed me was a different shade of blue. she knew how upset and angry and grrr  i was about the whole move thing so did she pick out blue so i would calm down??? is that why i like being in my room so much???? freaky stuff man... 

Weird Dreams.

So, last night,obviously, i had a weird dream. Sydney, alex, bryanna, aristi and i all wanted to go to Dominick's. so they left and i told them i would meet up with them because i neeeded to make my shopping list. so i was having some trouble making my list, so i go to ask scott to help me. we finish making my list when all of a sudden a whole crapload of water comes in and carries us to dominick's. so when we get there i see this sign that says "ermahgerd cerstermer serverce" so i go up there and ask the man for a pen. he gives me a pen and i proceed to run and find all my peeps and we go and buy whip cream, bread, and biscuits. then i woke up.

Title.

yeah, sorry, i just couldn't come up with a title. so, this is my first time home in what three weeks? yeah.   it's pretty official that we're moving. i mean, they renovated the house, and painted it and this weekend, people are coming to our house to move all our stuff. i really don't want to move out there. yeah, i felt the same way when we moved to chicago, but i got over it after a week, it's been three weeks and i can't even think about moving without crying. it's like they think it's impossible for me to be unhappy, that i'm this little girl with braids and ribbons in her hair who is a double zero and everybody loves her so there's no way i could be possibly be unhappy. but what really gets me mad is when they say "everything we're doing, we're doing for you." like, really? all last week i cried every night because i wanted to go home and you're doing that for me? well, you must be some real crappy people, lemme tell you that. my mom just doesn't talk about it which is fine because that's what i do anyway, but scott just keeps yelling. they don't think that i can make it into a selective enrollment, which really insults me. and half of the people that i used to be friends with don't even talk to me. this one girl refused to give me her number because she didn't know why she liked me, and she has to figure it out first. actual words. i just want to sleep in my own bed, watching my own shows on my own tv, snuggled in my blanket, waking up to my alarm,   use my own computer and play with my own dog. in my home. and scott goes all "you think i want to move? my only friends are in chicago and bla bla bla" THEN WHY THE HELL ARE WE MOVING? is it too much to ask that i wanted to graduate at a school i love with friends i cherish? then we can move. when the baby is already born. wouldn't it make just a tad more sense? oh wait, i forgot i'm stupid and i don't know anything.

all i want is to go home.

Well...

so, we're (me, my mom, Scott) are going to the suburbs, when we pull up to this school that they wanted to enroll me in. so naturally, i get a little nervous, and so my mom goes "we're only here to look at it" so I'm fine with that, nothing wrong with it, and the minute we walk into the office, my mom goes "hello, i would like a registration form" like, wtf??? i walked out of the office, ran back to the car, and cried my eyes out. like, i know it's stupid, but i really wanted to graduate at prussing. and i don't want to leave angel earlier than i have to. but, my school gets out an hour before prussing does, which is the exact amount of time i need to get there, so if i play my cards right, i can visit everyday. plus, every Friday at my school is a early dismissal, so I'll be able to visit at least every Friday. so technically, angel and i could still date, right? if i visit everyday. whatever. i was planning on going there on their first day, to give a personal goodbye to everybody. I'm just super disappointed, yet happy at the same time, because i'll be with my old friends. like, or the past two years, jason has been yelling at me to go to their school, and here i am. and there's no uniform, plus friday is early dismissal. just a couple of pros. stay magical:)

I'm sick of it.

i'm sick of people thinking that just because i have it so good, that i have to be happy happy joy joy all the fucking time. like, i know i have it well but that doesn't mean i can't have SELF issues?? i'm sick of who i am. people need to fucking learn that just because i might not be able to kill someone, like my dad or mandy or daurna, but if i get into a fight, i'd know how to defend myself. i would have atleast one hard punch. i made scott cry when i punched him. *que sarcastic random person* woww good for you, you must be so bad ass. *end person* JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. i can't fucking do this anymore. i'm emberassed of who i am. i don't want people to think that they can just walk all over me, and that i'm just some cute little girl, and when i try to defend myself, that it's cute. i wish i could change, i wish i could be more like.... more like, mandy. i just can't do this anymore. i'm tired of this. it's like, i wake up and know that for half of the day, i'm going to be wearing a fake smile, trying not to cry. and even when it's appropriate to cry i feel like if i do, then people will feel sorry for me, that i can't do anything, that i always need to be defended by somebody else. i can fucking defend myself, ok?? is that acceptable for me to do?? god, i'm getting so fucking pissed, because this has gotten on my last fucking nerve. i know what i'm doing, ok? and if i mess up, who gives a shit?? that doesn't mean i can't defend myself, just let me learn from them, alright? i'm human. do you understand what i'm trying to say? i may be delicate, but i can also be tough. i'm done. i can defend myself. i'm done, now.
do not stay magical. 

My official trademark?

So, this whole "stay magical:)" thing, is really growing on me. IT IS OFFICIAL. That is my trademark.  ya know, for when i become famous and all. too bad there's no trademark logo button thing on my computer. so we'll use this: *. stay magical:)* yeahhh. anywho! nothing has been going on much, i just felt like blogging. i had a specific topic but i don't quite remember. oh god, you know what? i'm wasting your time. i'm sorry. stay magical:)*

They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!!!

So guess what?? Scott fucked my mom and now she is with child! I'm pissed. It's like, i know they were going to have one eventually, but not too long ago there was this whole fiasco about my thought process on why they were wanting to have a kid, so i had just assumed, because i'm stupid, they they were going to hold it off until....a while. it's like, at this point, i'm not as pissed as i was on Monday, but i'm just trying to avoid the subject. which i know i won't be able to do. but it's ok. i just hope that this kid knows what an amazing mother it has. like, she's the best mother in the world. just putting that out there. she said that i could pick out the first outfit everyone sees the kid in. i wanna put it in dance. and if it doesn't like it, then we'll take the kid out and put it in something else. it has to do something, i hate those kids that don't do anything. it's like, THE FUCK YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE? anyways, i'm going to go. stay magical(:

yay nationals(:

SPREAD A LITTLE LOVE MY WAY!!! lol have you guys seen that commercial? it's for the cream cheese and that's the part that the guy sings and i absolutely love the way it sounds. anywho,  in a matter of hours, i will be leaving for Tennessee. personally, I'm pretty nervous. i mean, it's my first nationals. but whatever, i'm sure i'll do fineeee. so i decided to post this blog because i figured since i'm going  to Tennessee, i'm not going to be blogging for a while so might as well do it now. to be honest, i have no idea what to blog about... soooo i love you all and i want you to know that. you're all a big part of my life. well, the three people that read this blog, well, maybe more people do and i don't even know about it. well, if you are one of those people, i love you too :D stay magical(:

lala randomness

so, it's finally summer. i guess i had expected it to be a whole, oh how do i put this.... better. it's boring as shittt without mandy here. i've gotten closer to sydney and alex and bryanna. especially bryanna and alex. i don't doubt that their my friends anymore. latest news *cue blinking lights* lizzie made the dance team. ..... um. i... i'm upset. let's put it that way. like, dance team was my way of getting away from her. she's on the junior team so it's not like i have to see her dance a lot or anything. i'm giving it five weeks before katy kicks her off. on wednesday, i leave for tennessee(: super excited. we leave at like three or four in the morning, becauase it takes eight hours to get there. (we're driving) i'm tired right now, and i don't remember anything that happened. so... i'm going to upload this because i haven't in a while. oh! i found this funny asian guy on youtube, his name is luanlegacy. i love him. he... he makes my day. :D alright. i shall commence uploading. stay magical(:

sweet 16(:

ok. so, today was Mandys sweet sixteen party. it was ok. i mean, for basically the whole time i was being ignored and stared at by everyone, and that made me sad but whatever. so i was in the hallway, by myself and ricky comes and starts talking about how he's made a psychological profile for me, but wouldn't tell me what's in it. he looked nice. so then this guy comes and he's talking to Ricky and he goes "who's your friend?" me being the friend, obviously. and i go "oh, i'm Mandys sister." and he goes "how old are you?" and i go "thirteen" and he goes "damn, too young" then he was going to ask me if i can pee or not, but he didn't. his name was Oliver. Ricky was all "this is my handsome friend oliver" which made me laugh because he wasn't cute at all. anyways! so i'm sitting in a chair, still by myself, and Ivan (adorably, by the way. but y'all know that) comes up to me and goes "Maegan do you want to dance?" it was bachata. so i go "sure*smiles*" and he goes "i did promise you" and so we're dancing right and he's all "so how have you been maegan?" you know, simple questions. and "are you going to hubbard?" and "how's dance going?" so then we were talking about dance and he said that i was really good because mandy showed him a video from one of my competitions, and he also suggested that we recruit more guys. so then he goes "sorry i haven't been texting you, i've been busy and i have an iPod, not a phone so i need wifi for it." then i go "oh, it's ok, no big deal" and he goes "yeah i was thinking, and i don't want you to think that i don't want to text you, you're cool" and so that was all good. oh, and when he came he was all "hi maegan!" and gave me a hug. oh, and so we're dancing bachata and he goes "do you know how to spin?" and i go "yeah" and he goes "cool, i'm going to spin you" so then he told me when he was going to and then one time when he spun me he was all "spin time!" which i thought was cute. he was just cute all together. and then ricky was talking about how i wanted to dance with Ivan (before i actually did) and he goes "i'll fucking kill you if you touch my man." and he was laughing. sometimes i question if he's joking or not... so then Ivan and i were dancing and ricky comes up and goes "now i have to kill you, you touched my man" and ivan was all "no!" and he looked at me and goes "i got you, it's ok" ricky was pretty funny today, actually. i sorta like when we hang out. even though it's been like twice, it's been fun, i guess. he's cool. anyways! throughout the whole party i was taking notes (which are sorta emo depressing because you know i was alone the whole time) but here they are: the stuff in parentheses are not part of the notes.

so, i thought mandys sweet sixteen was going to be one of the most fun nights ever. instead i was humiliated, laughed at, and in a bathroom crying. (everyone was talking about how i wanted to dance with ivan and people were laughing. and this one girl i think her name was selena, said my boobs were big, which didn't help)

speech #1: (he had explained how mandy was smart because she read edgar allen poe at christmas) i do the same fucking thing (i just read edgar allen poe) and nobody acknowledges me for shit.

Papa's speech: and i'm going to be shit, right? exactly.

Ricky's speech: (not being mean, i swear. i apologize if i hurt your feelings, Ricky) lol he looked so awkward. all the other guys were all "mandy, whoever wants to be your boyfriend is going to have to go through us" and then Ricky went up there all O____O

Overall: i get it, her friends are here, she doesn't want to be around her little sister. it's just plain embarrassing.

Sidenotes:

I see them staring at me,

Fucking amazing.

thanks for loving me. (sarcasm...)

after i talked to ricky: phycological profile?

couples. couples everywhere.

Danced with ivan<3

Danced with mandy

things are getting better....

hey mandy, thanks for ignoring me all night.

slow dancing. forever alone.

do you even love me?
kdone.

i guess, dancing with Ivan made it all better, because i really wanted to. and he promised and he stuck to his promise, which is always good. other than that, it was fun. you know, when i wasn't in the bathroom crying. and y'all know why i was so i don't want to get random texts or something asking, because it is clearly stated. love all three of you who actually read my blog. love you all a lot:D stay magical(:

mmkkkaaayyy i realize this sounds selfish, and i deeply apoligize for this. stay magical(:

one more thing

victor ortiz was at laser quest. god, that kid is attractive. we played dance dance revolution. and lizzies aunt thought he was my boyfriend. heh, i wish...... stay magical(:

gingerbread swag

it took me like five minutes just to get to this stupid create post thing, because blogger changed their format. i haven't blogged in like fivehundredmillion years so i thought 8:22 in the morning when I'm tired would be a good time to catch up. so let's see what's been going on with Maegan? um, angel got me a necklace for my birthday. it looks like a dragonfly. well, it is a dragonfly so i can't just say it looks like one. i think he was going to ask me out, but i think he chickened out. it was spirit week this week, and  i gladly supported it except for yesterday. it was retro day, and i have nothing. know what i realized? things look cooler when you use this: & instead of the actual word and. watch: it was retro day & i have nothing. oh. it looked cooler in my mind. my dancing's getting better. i like the one for regular ballet. it's fun, and the costume's pretty. to be perfectly honest, it's 12:50PM and i'm typing on my dads laptop, so i don't know what to talk about. it's been fun so far, we've all been talking about stuff, and trying to hurdle our own legs. um, i'm going to have to resume this some other time. alright. til i return...

mmkkaayy so let's see what's been going on. oh, today is mandys sweet sixteen thing. that should be fun. if you know, i wasn't tired as fuck and in a bad mood, yesterday was fun. lizzie had her birthday party at laser quest. ok, this place was insane. so they give you these cards, and the cards are a certain color. then they go "if you have a purple card, and are with elizabeths party please come to the desk." that's what they told us. so we go to the desk, you pick out your name, then they give you these activator things. my name for the first thing was dumb, because Emily and I were dumb and dumber. and for the second round my name was gingy because of the whole fashion show being a cookie thing. so you go into this creepy ass room, and they give you the instructions. like if you need help, you yell out marshal marshal marshal. so then we go into another door, and we grab our backs and lasers and we activate them. the guns have a screen and when you activate it it says your name, like mine was all "welcome gingy" loved it. so then you go to the actual arena. and basically, there's faint smoke everywhere. so yeah. it's flipping crazy, yo! lol i don't know... so it's like one huge maze, and there's these ramps and stuff that you can go up then you're on a second floor. it's quite amazing. and whenever you get shot, your pack vibrates and it says who shot you on the screen. so i was on a balcony, and since i'm small, no oone could really see me. so Anushka was below me and i shot her like five times, and she kept looking around all confused, so then i shot her again and her screen said: shot by Gingy, so she goes "MAEGAN!!" and keeps running. it was quite amazing. and there were mirrors, and so me, being the ninja i am, snuck up behind someone who was by a mirror, shot the mirror, and the laser bounced off and hit the person. LIKE A BOSS. Emily and i were a team the whole time. loved it. then some of us went to lizzies house for a sleepover, and that was....interesting. nicholas was being so flipping annoying, like he was flailing this thing(that gave me scars!) around in the air, and Norma was just laughing. like, we actually started yelling at her. elly was all "can you control your kid???" we were yelling, until she left. sensational. we watched, due date(hilarious and sad), contagion, and women in black. which is always good. so yeah, i'm sorta getting tired from typing. oh, lately after school, Angel and i have been hanging out at the side of the school, lately. with uriel and sophia, because they're cool, i guess. i'm trying to blog while scott is like right behind me, so pretty hard. the whole blog is kind of a secret from the other residents in this household. except for schatz. anyways, (i was just informed i have to write a speech for mandys thing, great. i love her like crazy and all, but no. sarai said she'd read it though, which is cool i guess.) anywayssssss we were trying to climb the side of the mobiles, cuz... yeah. and so i cut my hand. and it hurt like a mofo. so angel kissed it. which i thought was cute. well, i'm going to go write my thingamajig now. stay magical(:

                                                                                                                  --Gingy

101st post??

grr i'm mad. i wanted to make my 100th post a huge deal with the title, but i was upset about geo so i sorta just started typing. then i stopped, published and thought "hmmm when's my 100th post? .... shit" then i go and it says "100th post" and i'm like noooooooo. so let's just pretend, mmmkk?

yayyy 100th post!!!! i only have two followers and three people who read, but that's ok! i'm content.

kdone.

that's a lie. so i found out victor ortiz doesn't hate me today(: so him and dos were having this huge debate on who was hotter, megan fox or selena gomez so then they come up to me, and victor puts his arm around me and is like "selena gomez right?" and i'm already half gone because he has his arm around me and everyone's yelling at me, so i'm like "i sort of think selena gomez..." and so victor gets alll happy, starts holding my hand (<3. just saying) and gives me this huge hug. and so me being an idiot goes "so you don't hate me right?" and he gives me this weird look and goes "i never hated you, the fuck are you talking about??" so yeah, i'm content. stay magical(:

you're such an idiot, Maegan

alright, so haven't blogged in a while thought i'd update, hehe. angels been ever so frustrating as usual. school's been going good, i guess. report card pickup is tomorrow. i hope i'm not failing. ms. mccright said noone is so that's a pretty good sign.... haha silly me. so anyways, maria sent me a link to a picture on the facebooks, and i was like it's just taking me to the news page, what is it? and apperantly, it was a picture of geo and his girlfriend kissing, but since he declined my friend request, i can't see it. obviously. and so i log on to ellys facebook (she's sleeping over :D) and i go on his page, and i found it. obvious point number one: she's a whore slut bitch. obvious point number two: she's way older than him. so i clicked on it and it enlarged, and i just kept staring at it, because i'm an idiot. i have no idea why the fuck it hurt so much to look at it, but i couldn't get myself to exit out of it. so i just stared at it, reading the comments, realizing what that little bitch has done to me. not literally, i'm twelve, but you get it. basically, in sort of a way, him and pops ruined of it. dating, i mean. like, all guys are douches. i don't know what i'm saying. gosh maegan you're twelve you don't know anything about this shit so shut the fuck up and stop being a idiot!!!! elly had to tell me to exit out of it. i don't know why i kept staring at it, maybe because he said he wanted to kiss me, but obviously never did, so maybe seeing it actually happen..... shut up maegan you're twelve for gods sake!!! anyways, now that i'm done being an idiot, i can go enjoy the one and a half people that are here. well, elly's here and we're skyping victor and since i can only see the top half of his body i count that as half a person. hehe, i'm such an idiot. stay magical(:

Why is everything about cinderella?

I mean seriously.

i noticed that when i was in disney. they have her castle at the beginning of every movie, her castle is smack dab in the middle of the park. i just don't get it. and little girls are always like " i want to be like Cinderella!". in my personal opinion, it should be someone like jasmine, or mulan. they show girl power. mulan, do i really have to explain it? she fought in a war to save her fathers life. she took all the shit the guys were giving her because she was weak, and then slapped them in the face when she climbed the pole thing. and she cut off her hair. sure, yeah she still got the guy but there was no huge thing about it. actually i'm not even sure if she got the guy, he just came over. there was no kiss, i think. i haven't seen it in a long time. and jasmine, she ran away. she was sick of her whole routine, her life being lived for her. so she left. heh, i'm sort of like jasmine, sick of my life being lived for me so i'll run away. sometimes i say i'll do it. but anyways, they have girl balls. but cinderella, sure she had to go through all that crap in the beginning but then the fairy godmother helped her. she easily could've gotten to the palace by herself, but she needed help. mulan and jasmine did it on their own. i'm just saying. stay magical(:

Florida! :D

alright so it's time i actually talk about this whole vacation situation so here goes. alright, well when we got there it was like nineeee i think. not sure. anyways, we took a shuttle thing to the car rental place and got this really nice van. but when we went to go get the van some greedy white people had already claimed dibs. so there was this whole conformation thing on who actually got it. we did. so we got in the van and drove like three or four hours to orlando (?). well, we flew into fort lauderdale. so probabl orlando. so we get like halfway there and we stop at this pit stop place with a dunkin donuts. it was like two. so it was a four hour drive. and there was these machines where you buy tokens, put them in and get a prize. so i put mine in the machine and got a pokemon bouncy ball. see, i didn't know which pokemon it was so i took a picture and sent it daurna. it was groudon but the funny thing is that when i sent it i got an immediate response. he was partying :D love it. so anyways i actually bought a coffee (wasn't half bad) and i looked like a homeless person. i had sweatpants on, a baggy shirt, and my hair was all messed up because i fell asleep in the car. i got weird stares. anyway, we drive some more. vroom vroom... and we get to the hotel. see, i don't like  hate sleeping in hotel rooms with scott because he snores like crazy, and i can't deal with that. so luckily, elly was in the room next to ours so i slept there the whole time we were there except for one time. so the next day we were supposd to go to universal but we didn't for some reason. i didn't have a bathing suit and was feeling exceptonally fat so when we went to the mall to get me one it took a while. i ended up getting one from hot topic. it's like a rainbow tiger one piece but it has the cut outs on the side. it's cute. so we go back to the hotel and go swimming. and that was fun. then the next day we went to disney. omfg it was amazing. so we got there and we had to go on the monorail to get to disney and that was cool. so we get to disney and we do a bunch of little kid rides such as the flying dumbos, aladdins magic carpets, spinning tea cups, carosouel, and a winnie the pooh ride. that one was scary. at first it was cute and then it got to this weird part that made you believe you were on acid. and it was funny because i was sitting with tony and there's this thing that looks like a mirror but it's not. so he's looking and on the other side there was these old people and he's like freaking out and he's like "THAT'S NOT US!!" it was funny. i recorded the ride. i was screaming most of the time. but in the beginning i was screaming out of pure joy because  anyone who truly knows me knows i have a HUGE  obsession with winnie the pooh. oh! and something was wrong with the ride and it kept stopping and then tigger was talking and it didn't help the situation at all. and there was this part where it was all dark and tigger kept popping out of nowhere. it was like one of those things where you sit in a thing and it takes you through something. not an actual ride. but whatever. and they wanted me to do snow whites scay adventures. alright, i was screaming like crazy during winnie the pooh and you want me to do that?? no. and we did some other rides. oh! and then i went to stitchs club and danced for like an hour with tony. it was fun. stitch kept following me and dancing with me. swag. hehe. and then we went on splash mountain. so we were walking past it and it's basically one of those log things but with a bunch of tiny drops and a story before the big drop. and i typically don't like the log rides. and i'm like "guys it's not that one right?" because they went on before me. and they're like "oh noo that's a different one, we don't even know how to get to that one." but it was. we were going up and everyone was like "we love you maegan!!!" and i was like O: no. but i was sittng with tony. i did everything with tony. it was fun. and we did this peterpan thing. and basically you sit in a pirate ship and then you're hanging or a "flying" and it's taking you through the whole story of peter pan. it was sooooo cute. but everyone thought it was lame. i liked it. and i met jasmine, donald. pluto, pinnochio, and the fairy god mother.  oh! and then at the end i got these vip passes to meet mickey and minnie and i almost died. no joke, i know it sounds super lame but it was amazing. they both gave me kisses!! and mickey let me put my arm through his arm. swag. YOLO. yeahhh buddy. hehe <3 and then the next day we went to universal. (geez, this is a long post) there was only one good ride. the other one i'll tell in person. i'm getting tired and i intend on putting one more post after this. anyway! the one good ride was the simpsons ride. it was a motion stimulator. theres a whole story behind it so here:

so apperantly. the simpsons did something to sideshow bob and he wanted to kill them. so, krusty is opening up this new ride and he is pickng the first family to ride it. so sideshow bob (imma just call him sideshow) steps on homers foot, causing him to raise his hand. so krusty picks on them. and tells them they can pick one more family. so bart picks us. (yes, i was quite flattered) and so we go into this room. (not on the ride yet, still the story) and the ride is in nuclear power plant. but grandpa can't go on it becasue he's too old so he watches maggie. but he falls asleep, and maggie goes into this thing and grows to fifty feet. so we finally get into the ride. so you're sitting in this fake rollercoaster cart. (remember, it's a motion stimulator) and you go up (you actually go up) and then you are on a roller coaster, and all these crazy things happen. and sideshow is trying to kill you. so you're basically "flying" through spring field. so anyways, sideshow is trying to kill you. but you get slingshoted at maggie who's fifty feet tall and you land in her mouth. then the ride starts to smell like baby powder. then she spits you out and you get sprayed with water. then sideshow is infront of you and he has a chainsaw and he goes "this is the final cut" and he drops the chainsaw making a huge hole in the floor, and you go into hell and the devil is there and he throws you back up. and then sideshow has a knife and he's about to kill you. then maggie comes and kills him. and so you go back down and krusty is there and he goes "what's this button do?" and he pushes a button and the whole thing vibrates and moves backwards a bit. that was the scaries part. it was so much fun. it was funny too becuase everyone was like screaming their heads off and me and elly are like "yeahhhh!!!" hehe.

there was a whole bunch of other things but they weren't important. alright, so i had fun. hehe i'll show the winnie the pooh video to anyone who wants to see it. i'll probably make you watch it but whatever. ;D stay magical(:

A dancing flame

soo i've decided to stop with the whole beginning the sentence in the title. it's harder than actually trying to come up with a legit title. so anyways i know i said i'd blog about the field trip, but as we all know i'm forever lazy and that's not going to happen. i prefer to blog on my own time. anyways! i decided it's time to take action because i'm fed up with this shit so i'm going to talk to angel myself. we were walking and it was the day it was pretty cold. yesterday, i think. so we're walking and i'm like "omg my hands are so cold." so i put one hand in my pocket, and the other i need for my phone. so i look at him and think fuck this shit. and i go "can i hold your hand?" and he goes "omg yes." but he actually said it, he didn't say omg. so we're walking and....yeah. that's all to that story. haha i'm pretty convinced victor ortiz and dos hate me. i'd have to have either lizzie ask them. i'm not sure what to do. heh, silly me. making a deal out of something i shouldn't be. do i like victor again? ehhhh i guess you could say that. it's not complete. well, i should probably wrap this up. i know it's pretty short, i apoligize. but it's margarita tuesdays!!! so , of course, i have to go be social. and by social i mean, sit and listen to their conversation. laughing occasionaly because drunk puerto ricans amuse me. haha. boriqua!!! lol i'm pretty sure that's spelled wrong. i'm silly. stay magical(:

if i could be like her...

my life with scott and my mom wouldn't be that bad. they'd be proud of me. unashamed to tell people i'm their daughter. sure she has problems as well, but it's natural, isn't it? nobody can live a perfect life. if i could be like her, i'd know what it feels like to be grogeous. to take a picture and not retake it fifty times. if i could be like her, i'd know who really loves me, instead of second guessing everyone. if i could be her, i'd have real friends. ones i'm positive they love me, and always have my back. if i could be like her, i'd have support from people, instead of my mom yelling at me to put me in a mental hostpital. if i could be like her, i'd have talent. i could look my best on my worst days. i would be succesful, get good grades, be skinny, do sports, and manage to stay somewhat sane. if  i could be like her, i'd be known and liked by all my teachers. she doesn't want me to be like her, but if i could be like her, the her i know and love deeply, for even a day, i would be perfectly happy. only to return to my overprotective life, and be sad all over again. i would be able to stand up for myself, and fight back, instead of cowering down, yelling at only the people i know wouldn't dare kill me.  i wouldn't have to cry out for attention, i'd know better and to stick to myself. have i turned to be an attention whore? i guess you could say that. but what else are you supposd to do when all you want is love? yes, if i could be like amanda valencia, i'd truly know what it's like to be, in my eyes, a princess.

H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T today was

the best day ever!!!!!!!! alright, so me, lizzie, dos, jessie, and sam were all going to hang out at sams house but my mom said no, so we stayed at the playground until she came. alright, well it started to drizzle, but we didn't think much of it. then it started raining really hard so we all went under the slide, and it started raining really hard, and thundering so sam and jessie left. then after they left it stopped raining and , i kept insisting that lizzie and dos just to go to sams house, but they wanted to stay with me. so then it started raining again really hard, and we went back under the slide, and these guys who were playing football came under the slide with us, and then i turn around and victor ortiz was behind me. omfg, i forgot how cute he was. so then we don't talk at all, and we see lizzies mom go into the mobiles are all "fuck this shit" well, that's what i said, and we start running to the mobiles and so we're running, and victor comes up next to me, and smiles causing me to almost trip, for i was blinded by the cuteness. he's probably the cutest person with braces. other than mandy (; anyways, so we're waiting outside the mobiles and norma opens the door, and we grab her umbrella and all three of us were walking underneath it. so i look at victor and go "i'm maegan, by the way" and i shake his hand. i'm not really sure if that was a smart move, he might've thought i was weird, so somebody text me saying if it was stupid or not. please no hate texts. so then he shakes my hand and he goes "yeah, i know who you are." but not mean, like..cute.  and i'm like "really?" and he goes "how could i not?" and smiles. boom. MIND YOU it was raining and so i was looking my worst, but he still goes ahead and says that. don't hate on our family swag <3 <3 :D :D haha anywaysss it stops raining and i think he still thinks i like him. i don't know why, just putting that out there randomly. oh right, it stops raining and at this point we're all having so much fun with the whole wet playground and listening to music and then victor charlie horsed dos and dos got pissed and slapped victor with his wet t shirt, that he took off. eventually, he slapped everyone with the t shirt. he was telling everyone it meant he loves you. so i'm just standing there, not slapped, so unloved, and he goes "oh! how did i forget you? you love my accent!" and slaps me. i've never been happier to be slapped. would i like victor again? i'd think about it. angels not doing shit, so i'm sort of losing hope on that. i still think he'd be a perverted jerk. i could just tell him pervertdness is a no no, but i don't want to seem crazy and demanding. man, someone needs to text me. that's out there, so i should be getting texts. just saying...well, i have to go do homework. have to email something to beldie. i'll blog about the field trip we had yesterday, soon. stay magical(:

So i'm not sure

if i talked about this already or not. i mean, i know i already talked about nick and how he called me his girlfriend but there's more to that. so here goes. alright, so i didn't really think much about nick calling me his girlfriend, because well, it's nick. haha so I'm just going along with it whatever, and so i text him and I'm all "ayo "and he goes "hey gf ;)" and so i asked him why he started saying that all of a sudden and he goes "cuz it's true ;)" and i go "lql you wish!" and he goes "lol totally ;)" and i didn't think much of that because he's just weird, so then I'm bored and tired out of my mind and so i text him and say "hey bf (; lmao" and he didn't respond for like ten minutes so then I'm like "jk....." and right after i sent that he goes "hey (; <3" so then i go "crazy :p I'M TIRED AS ALL HELL" and so he goes "why babe? XD lmfao" and so i go "lol shut up :D" but I'm thinking "NO SERIOUSLY SHUT UP O_O" look, I'm not saying he's madly in love with me. maybe it is really nick just being nick, and i don't get that but...it's strange. look, i don't want to get three texts saying he wants to get in my pants, ok?!?! ok. any further questions should be text to my number. thank you. haha stay magical(:

Alrighty then

ok, so for future record, i'm going to begin the blog post on the title. so the title is the begginning of the first sentence. mainly because i never know how to start these things. ok! so i got my present today!!! so it's after school and he grabs me and pulls me to the side of the mobiles. of course, lizzie and maria are there like derps and they get the hint that they should leave, so they leave. ok, so he gets his bookbag (i hate the term backpack. yucky) and he's like "so it was supposd to be flowers but mother nature hates me,so i couldn't get there. the place was closed too, even though there was someone clearly in there." so he pulls out this little pink bunny. i half died. the thing is so cute. i'm going to try to put a picture of it, as soon as i figure out how to work this stupid webcam. so yeah i thank him all cute blablabla and then he pulls out a piece of paper, and my mind goes back to invitation to be his girlfrend and i'm thinking "damn, i got a legiet invitation." but no, it has two pandas that he drew. because my nickname is panda. clever. so yeah, i'm going to try to put pictures, don't get your hopes up. even though i know you weren't. so today i hung out after school with maria, sam, lizzie, aaron( dos), daniel gromek, william, and lizzie. daniel is amazing. just saying. he's so incredibly polite and funny. and in highschool...haha i never even thought of liking him. anyway,dos. i love love love his accent. i want it. badly. it's all phillapino (yes, i'm aware that's spelled wrong) and me and sam were sitting at stoners spot, and he came and we were talking about sam and williams relationship. alright, i'm pretty sure sam wouldn't want me putting the conversation on here, and i respect her, so i won't. anyway, dos was all "soo victor ortiz..." and looks at me. i've been over that kid for a while now. so then he goes "do you still?" and i'm like "nah, i used to then i realized he doesn't know who the hell i am, so i gave up on that" and he goes "huh?  he knows who you are?" and i'm like " what?" and he's like "yeah, he notices you a lot." great, when i like the kid he has no interest in me but now that i'm soo close to dating someone, he notices me. and a lot. would i like him again? depending on where this whole angel thing goes. i just feel like he'd be a douche-jerk thing. but whatever. gotta go be unproductive. stay magical(:

So lately,

some crazy things have been happening. alright, so sam and william are dating. wtf, i know!!! ok, so i'm walking up to the school lalala and i think maria comes up to me and tells me that they're dating. so then me being me, freaks out and is so super happy and i accidenty hit sam in the face while trying to give her a hug. but their relationship is so...awkward, i guess. they don't really talk to eachother and when they do it's like they're both trying to avoid the conversation completely. and they're almost never around eachother. but, again, when they are, they won't look at eachother. i'm definately not the expert on relationships, but something there doesn't seem quite right... i think sam is still feeling hate for william a little bit. she said she's giving him a week before he either A) annoys the shit out of her or B) makes her fall madly in love. we'll just have to wait, now won't we? anyways, lizzie likes edin even more. see, she tried to get over him so people would stop bugging her about it, but according to her, it made her like him even more. god have mercy on all our souls, the girl won't shut up about him!! it's getting quite annoying, i must say. oh, speaking of lizzie this whole thing happened yesterday. so to sum it up, she got really upset at me and maria and we had a talk. well, she talked and i came up with excuses. and the whole time i'm thinking "do you want me to tell you i hate you right now or do you want me to wait a while and let you cool down?" i was going to smack her... of course maria and sam came back because they kept leaving their oxygen right next to us. gotta love them.... heh, sam and williams anniversary is on pi day...cute. so lately, scott hasn't been picking me up from school. in fact, he hasn't picked me up all week. i think it's because we had this huge argument and he said he didn't like picking me up, and he didn't need to or want to. my moms so cute, trying to fix things. soo angel was supposed to get me a surprise ( not sure if i talked about this already or not, but i'm going to say it again) and the thing he needed didn't come in until last friday so i was going to get it wednesday, but he seriously messed up his hip and was at the doctor, so i'm getting it tommorow. and then he said we'd talk. me? i'm thinking the surprise is an invation to be his girlfriend. and the thing that didn't come in til friday was the guts he needed to do it. oh, and because i'm a creeper, i saved all the really cute messages he's ever sent and i just recenty deleted them all. i was so upset, it wan't even funny. thank god i've got them all stored in the file cabinent in my brain. oh, also jessie told me that rumour is edin likes me. so naturally i asked how she knew and she said that chis and tomasz told her, and that edin told them that he likes me. so basically, edin told chris and tomasz and they told jessie. why does everyone tell jessie the greatest news? maybe she can keep a secret, i don't know. anyways, my fear is that this rumour is true. not because edin would like me, he's completely adorable, but because it would kill lizzie. she really likes lizzie and says i get a lot of guys (which is a complete lie, but whatever) so if i stole the guy she really likes, she'd be one pissed and two hearbroken. it's her first real crush, and then all of a sudden i come in and take that away from her. but she'd understand it's not my fault, right? she has to. it's not like i meant for him to like me, it sorta just happened. damn valencia charm... XD <3 i like being valencia. it has it's advantages. so, now that sam and william are dating i can't look at them the same way. it's like i look at sam and go "ew, she's a girlfriend." or i look at william and go "ew, he's a boyfriend." even when i date people i go "ew, i'm a girlfriend." i don't know, it just feels weird to me. oh, and nick has been acting weird lately, too. ok, so we're texting and i was about to tell him about angel and the surprise so i go "guess what??" and he goes "what? you like me??" and i'm just like "nooo..." and then today, i was by the corn cart, (you know, the mexican corn) and he comes, so, naturally, i give him a hug. and he's with kasim (FOR THE RECORD I HATE KASIM WITH A PASSION) and so he's gibing me  a hug, and he goes "this is my new girlfriend" adn then i'm waiting i line like a good girl, and he keeps hitting my ass with his shirt. and i'm just like "really? is that really neccesary?" of course, i didn;t say that, i was thinking that. and thn he accidently hit my no no area but he freaked out an apoligized a milllion times, because he knows i hate pervertedness. so he respects that. oh, by the way i typed everything about nick with my head down on the floor. so i wasn't looking at the keyboard. like a boss. haha stay magical(:

thanks for putting that into my head...

alrighty, what's been going on with maegannn? well, today i was walking and then angel came and he hit my arm and then he was like "we have to talk tommorow after school at the top of the stairs" and i go "you promise" and he goes "i promise" and lifts me up. dance competition was fun, my dance got first. i know that's pretty bad but whatever. well, it goes first, top first, and elite top first. sooo we got the lowest. but whatever. oh! title explanation. so, pops was all "all guys want is sex blablabla" and i obviously already knew that, but i kind of didn't want it being the first thing i think about whenever some sort of drama with guys happen. i mean, my boobs are pretty big, i guess. and yeah i've always hated them. but know that i think about it, in highschool, whenever i get a boyfriend i don't know if he's gonna want to date me for me or...for them. you get it. i mean, mandys are big-ish i guess and her and ricky seem to have a pretty good relationship. idk i don't know a lot of details. eh, i don't know, i'll just have to wait intil that time comes. i don't even know what to talk about, really. i'm eating chicken nuggets and watching the regular show. so maria's going to von, and so is jacky. and jessica plaud. ten more days until my lane results come in!!! i didn't even realise that :O scott's kind of a douche. just saying. the blogging format is all jancked up, so i'm not exactly sure how long this post is going to end up. so if it's short, i'm sorry. stay magical(:

omgomgomg

AHHHH!!!! ok! so angel confessed. alright there's been so much stuff going on with this kid, i feel bad about not blogging. ok so on valentines day, he told me who it was. and he said nicole. ok, nicole is in fifth grade, and she's not gorgeous. so he told me that he lied about what she looked like. so it's pretty obvious he chickened out and changed it last minute. what i didn't realize was that i had started to sub consciously like him, so when he told me it was nicole, i was actually kinda hurt. alright, so i told him that. and then he didn't reply for like two days. so then i text him saying "alright, bottom line is, you like nicole, right? no details. no nothing." (excuse my poor grammar) so then he sent me a text saying "no. i said that because i didn't want to tell you that you are the one i liked. if you didn't like me back it would have made our friendship awkward. all those things i said about the mystery girl (you) were all true.  any guy would be the luckiest person on earth to have you. after we spoke (btw, we never spoke so idk what he was talking about....that's me, maegan) it was easier for me to tell you the truth. i'm sorry if this is awkward for you,i really wanted you to know." ok, here's what happened. so if you noticed, he said LIKED so i was like "but you don't like me anymore?" and he went "i do. trust me" and that was the 20th . so then today at school, we didn't even talk at all. and when we did cross paths, all i got was a wave. i expected at least  a hug. nope. so then after school he tried to text me, bu it didn't work out and we kinda just stopped (that's what she said!! sorry, i had to [: ) so then i actually kind of got pissed. and i sent him a message saying "ok, obviously you don't like me enough for me to be making such a big deal out of it. so, let's just forget the whole thing happened, because it's obvious you don't really care. let's just forget the whole thing" and then he went " I didn't get a chance to talk to you face to face. i really do like you. i can't text all the time cause i just got home. i do care a lot about you. you are my closest friend and more. can we meet somewhere so i can tell you personally, so i can show you that i really do care and do like you. you are the girl i like and unless you don't like me back, that won't change. i care with my much of my heart, that's the way i feel.  i truly do like you a lot,that's why i always hang out with you and when we talk, i listen. you are the prettiest rose in the garden, and i do care for that rose." i'm the prettiest rose in the garden!!!! me!!!! this dorky, somewhat of a nerdy, weird, crazy, not all that in shape, girl is the prettiest girl in the garden!!! i mean, seriously how often is that gonna happen???? you've got elly, who;s beyond gorgeous, and lizzie who is cute and...oh never mind. but me?!?! he's got a whole garden and i'm the one rose that he cares for!! it's crazzyyyyy! i fell special. oh! alright, so there's this guy named ivan right? and he's one of mandys friends and he's so adorable, and i just love him. so anyways! he  accepted my friend request, and i died. and then i stole his number from mandy and i text him (he knew it was me) and he replied!! and we had this whole amazing conversation, and i died. and then we were talking about mandys sweet 16, and he was like "are you excited, or what?! you're going to dance with me right?" and i literally, died, came back to life, and died again. love it. haha stay magical(:

oh, for the one and only guy who actually reads my blog (*cough* ricky *cough*) i am not going to buck the fuck up. sorry, i have a low self esteem, and you're just gonna have to deal with it. i'll try to tone it down, ok? good, we have a deal. alright, stay magical(:

私はかわいいよ!! :D

translation: i'm cute!!! :D.i heard it in a song called the world is mine by hatsune mike and thought why not? so anyways!!! drama. oh geez, alright soo angel said he would ask the girl he likes to be his valentine, so i got super excited for that, right? no. ok, so it's valentines day and i go "you have to tell me who it is!" and he goes " i couldn't ask her because she wasn't here today." and i'm thinking "but...i'm right here." but then i rememberd that elly was absent so i was all "it's elly!" and he goes "no. she's actually in my class. it's nicole feliciano." and i go "she doesn't match your description at all" and he goes "oh yeah, i lied to you about what she looks like" and i'm like "you lied?" and he's like "yeah" like it's nothing. so then i get pretend mad and walk away all "upset" and he's like running after me, yelling blablabla and he stops by me and goes " i only lied to you once." so then me with my pretend madness goes "but i don't think you get it. you still lied." and i walk away. so basicaly i gues i started to sub conciously like him, and i didn't even notice it. so when he told me it was nicole, i actually was a bit hurt. so then we're texting and i tell him how i like him, and he goes "meet me at your post tommorow after school. it will make both uf us really happy. you have to promise. i have something important to tell you." so then i go ok. and then like five minutes later he goes "no. i can't do that. you have to promise me you'll meet me. i can't forget you." so then today i'm at my post and he comes and then all the little children start going down the stairs and he goes "when they leave, i'm going to clarify things." and so all the kids leave but then his friends come and he goes "i'll text you. or call. we need to talk." and he hasn't texted me. so whatever it is he wanted to talk about, obviously isn't that important. so recently i became friends with this guy named alex herrera. younger brother of edgar herrera, dating damariaz something, i honestly don't care. so we have this awesome conversation on facebook, and then the next day at school, nothing. not even a simple hello. so then he liked my status for a truth is and i said we should talk more. so now every day at school it's a "hi maegan" and that's basically it. and he'll leave his friends just to say hello. now, i'm not saying omfg he loves me we're getting married, all that shit, i'm just saying. weird. umm let's see...flogging molly show saturday. dance competetion next friday. i saw dante today. he's so cute, i love him. and he always looks high. always. but he hates drugs. with a passion. he is hardcore from the internet. and he has lots of racist jokes, but he's not the least bit racist. well, i should go now.. stay magical(:

oh! alright, so when me and angel were standing at the top of the stairs and we were about to start talking about the situation and then william comes and he's like "maegan...." jumps on me and yells "i love you!!!" and so i go "i love you too!!!" and he goes "you better! i'm like your favorite male person." and then i remember that angel was right there and i go "you're my favorite male asian." and he leaves. yeah perfect timing william, thanks i really appreciate that. highlight haha randomness. alright so me and maria and lizzie were sitting in this secluded little area in the mobiles and then the guys who come to pick up the recycling from enviromental club came and saw us lift our heads up from the window. so we put our heads back down and then next thing you know joy lopez, and two other tiny guys are trying to push open the door and joey goes "i have a condom i swear!" (oh, btw this is typical joey. the whole scene is meant to be funny) and then this other guy goes "i have three!" oh haha three guys, three girls, three condoms, funny hilarious
-__- so then they break open the doors and they were all confused on what to do next, so they left. and then i see joey doing the whole blow job sign (you know it right? whole tounge against the cheek thing.) and so i hit the window and they get scared and leave. i feel powerful. alright! stay magical(:

*gasp* did i really do that??

alright! so i'm texting nico, like nothing. he likes this girl named emilia, btw. so we're talking and i go "are you going to ask lena to be your valentine?" and he goes "lena??" lenas the girl geo left me for. i have no idea why the hell i said her. i was thinking bout geo today, but at like the afternoon. my brain hates me. i'm not kidding, it scared me. crazyyy. so anyways. i think i might kill myself. just a note. because i was in my moms room and i tripped over something so i look to see what it was. it was a book called "yes! your teen is crazy!" -_- really? it wouldn't be thaaat bad but just the fact that i'm classified as crazy.. and so i decided to read it and all the things that it says to do to help your child, are the things that drives me to be "crazy" talk in a calm collected manner. no. see, that's what gets me mad. it's like "for gods sake speak up!!" and according to them, it makes it sound like you actually care when you talk calmly. to me, it sounds like the give no fucks whatsoever. pages of lies... so nick was seriously mad at me. again. becuase i was messing around with him and i was all "HELP I'M BEING KIDNAPPED BY TWO ANGRY POLISH MENJDFSR734RH" ( see what i did there? by adding random letters and numbers it makes it seem the guys tried to take the phone away. clever me) and he was like "what?!?!" and so i go "HELP ME PLEASE!"and so he was like "where are you??!!" and i go "i don't know!!" and so then he calls me, and he's like where are you blablabla and so i told him i was joking and he went alllll crazy. so then he text me all "FUCK YOU!! DELTE MY NUMBER AND DELETE ME OFF OF FACEBOOK!!! GOODBYE!!" so then i start freaking out because i love nick. so then the next day i sent him this huge long text (maria i have to show you) about why i'm sorry and how i cut myself and how i wanna kill myself lalala, then he replies with a heart, so it's all better :] and then today he was like "show me your wrists." and stuff like that and for me to tell him why i wanna kill myself and he told me not to, then we went and played basketball. i got lots of hugs today. and lifted up. two of my favorite things. one day. love it. soo everyone hates me, just saying. or atleast it seems like it. and self esteem hasn't been good. where the hell is my damn therapist?!?! i don't feel pretty, or skinny, or self satisfied. but whatever. no one gives a shit, right? right. so angel is going to ask the girl he likes to be his valentine. this is the first v day i won't be alone....sad, i know. so me being the terrible person i am ;] had to be all "alright, when you do it, bring one flower." i've always wanted that to happen to me. and then i said "lillies. idk about her, but i love lillies so i'm going to steal it from her" i'm such a bad person. and soo lonely. i basically planned my own valentines day... that's lowww -_- not even forever alone guy goes that low. geez. i'm the ghost of a girl that i long to be most...

the little blue signs on doors that say the room number and classroom. (happy?!)

anyways! ignore the title, school stuff. let's see, what's been going on... oh! angel. so valentines day is coming up right? and usually i'm all alone, depressed, eating ice cream watching he's just not that into you. well maybe not this year. because angel sent me that forward that's all "ask me any question and i have to tell you the answer i can't lie blablabla" so i go "are you going to ask out the girl you like on v day?!" and he goes "maybe. i doubt she likes me like that though" so i go ahead and give him this whole pep talk thing and he goes "do you still want to guess who it is?" and i go "yeah, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to" and he goes "if you guess correctly the first time, i'll tell you if thats her" so i have to play stupid now saying i can't think of anyone blablabla. and he goes "you'll know on v day. that's when i'll tell you" and i go "you're going to ask her out on v day?!" and he goes "well maybe not out but to be my valentine" and so we go on talking whatever. then i remember that i tested for lane and if i make it, it'll break his litte heart. so i go "she may be gone before you know it.. if you really like this chick you'll grab her before she's gone." and he goes "i will. soon anyways" so, yeah let's see where that goes. and now whenever i talk about this "girl" he smiles. like with this whole "omg if she knew.." kind of expression. so i officaly realized that i don't like nick. mainly because he has a gf now and according to him, he's madly in love. *phew* but then william comes into play... williams just amazing. and if you've hung out with me and him at the same time, you'll know what i mean. just the way he acts. and all the things he says but then my brain goes no maegan, he's sams guy then another part of me goes sam doesn't even like him!! i think.... (maria, you're going to have to answer that question) shit.... alright, sam if you're reading this just tottaly disregard what i said. alright? none of this ever happened..... anyways, he asked her to be his valentine today. that kinda was a chuck norris punch to the face. i don't know what happened with that. he said chocolate with an asian accent and i literally had a laughing seizure. twice. once in lunch. so you alll knew it was coming. emo time. so i was cutting right, and all of a sudden i start to bleed. alright, i've never actually started to bleed before. and so i wasn't aware it would leave a scar. that day was just bad. i got up, got yelled at by my mom, went to school got yelled at by all the teachers, went home got yelled at by scott, went to dance and got yelled at by mrs ida. so yeah, that was just a really bad day. and then yesterday elly announced she hates me becasue i'm too positive. needless to say my badass group of friends (and by that i mean J.P and jacky) yelled at her, saying i'm impossible to hate. and i'm pretty sure sam hates me too. because she just seems like she's annoyed by me. because today julia wasn't here, so i wouldve been all by myself in library. so sam goes "you....could....sit.... by.... us.. " all hesitant about it. and then when i did sit at her table (to be completely honest, i'm not sure if that was her table) she sat alllllll the way in the back. avoiding me as much as possible. and she wouldn't let maria come by me. yeah, so i'm not sure if i mentioned it or not but me and nick got into this really big fight, where he would avoid and ignore me forever. but we're all cool now. no liftups yet though): which is pretty saddening. so the weirdest thing happened. so i get out of the shower and i see a message from ricky. my first thought was "perm your fucking weave" but no. instead it said " you know what? I like you:) how many points did i say my point system had? 10000? Well you have a million:) O_o i thought he was drunk, to be completely honest. but apperantly, he thinks i'm an awesome person. and then i found he reads my blog. which i love love love. so yeah, that seems to be pretty much it. dance competition on the 25th. stay magical(:

oh! so i'm in the cafeteria and i start talking about nico and something really cute that he said. well, angel was on the other side of the cafeteria ad our cafeteria is like as big as a closet, so i'm saying the thing about nico pretty loud, so he hears (i'm just that bad of a person) so i say it and angel so obviously hears and he throws his jacket down really really hard. like, violently. crazy.... stay magical(:

We gonna have a party in jail!!!

>.< that was from a movie we watched. it was about the riots for the civil rights thing and this boy was all "i'm going to jail, he's going to jail, we gonna have a party in jail!" love it. i think i love nick. like, legiet love. lol jk, but i do love him as a friend. becuase he was being weird again and i was all "can i have a hug" and he goes "lizzie, gimme a hug." sad face. "elly give me a hug" again, sad face. then he goes "and i had to save the best for last!!" and lifts me up. i love him <3 and he's just there for me and amazingly awesome. to be perfectly honest, i don't know if i've developed a crush on him, or i just love him as a friend a lot. because i've been thinking about it, and it's like i sorta do, but then again when he first met me he was bullying me and he didn't even know my name. but then i think he doesn't bully me anymore, and he knows my name and spells it correctly. but then my mind just goes back to nico. love that kid. he was all "do you miss me?" and i go "yes(:" and he goes "on a scale from one to ten" and i go "ten" and he put a smiley. then i go "how bout you? scale from one toten, how much do you miss me?" and he goes "1000" :D then he called me sleeping beauty becuase i fell asleep in the middle of our convo. then i was all "I'm sleepy" and he goes "then go to sleep maegan!! your such a dork" then i go "but i'm your dork, right?" and he goes "yeah your my dork :) <3 !!!" and then i was all "alright, i gotta go to sleep, night my nerd(:" yeah, he's my nerd. and he goes "nite my dork <3 =)" love him. and then theres weird ass william. becuase at first it was me jessie, maria, sam, william and evan. then sam maria and jessie left. then evan left. so it's just me and william. so he pulls me and he's like "im going to push you into the snow." all calm about it... then i go "Noo!!" and we're like play fighting, whatever right? so we stop and we kind of just look at eachother and he goes "you should give me a kiss on the cheek" and i laugh a little )actually considering the idea, btw!) and he goes "*clears throat and shakes head violently* yeah, i was just...kidding" in a very serious manner. then he gave me a hug and hes like "i love you!" and i go "i love you!" and he's like "no you don't" we're still hugging btw. then i go "yeah i do(:" and he goes "ok(:" and pulls me in tighter. then he kept talking about love. so scott comes eventually and me and william are just walking around the playground talking and i go in the car with scott and he's like "where were you?" and i was all "with him" and point in williams direction and he goes "DID HE HAVE HIS ARM AROUND YOU?!?" and just freaks the hell out. then i try to explain to my mom and she sides with scott! i swear these people... oh yeah! maria, and whoever from my school who may possible read this, don't tell anyone about nick, please!! if you must talk about it, come to me. greatly appreciated. and it's not even positive so yeah. don't go crazy. stay magical(:

Sleeping in

so today i had to wake up super early and go to ITT to test for lane. ok, the test was like sooo easy, it's not even funny. but the kid next to me just wanted to watch the world burn. because he's trying to go at a super fast pace, but i guess he went into panic mode because he put his head down and started to bite his arm. i seriously thought he was trying to bite it off. scared me. and then the stupid testers are crazy. because i'm taking my test, and then one of them is just standing next to me, watching everything i do. then another one comes (there were 3) and she's watching me too, and they're whispering things to each other! WTF?!? and then the next thing i know they're all by me and watching what i do. i either did super good, or really really bad. and the fist one who came was named megan. i don't know if she thought we had some sort of connection or something but she was just all up on me and my test. we had 40 minutes and i finished it with 9 minutes left. i think there was only two or three people who didn't finish. and then i had to go to st. bens (my fist school. of the three i'v been to) and take some stupid is at preparedness test. they started off by giving us a hour long test. the test i took for lane wasn't even that long. and it was basically impossible. i'd like to see how lizzie does, she's there right now. ok, one of the questions AND I"M NOT LYING, CROSS MY HEART was "what is the 3456th term of this pattern abcdefabcdefabcdef..." seriously?!?! how am i supposed to figure that out?! and then we had a 6 minute break and then the teacher gave us a short lesson on math. the only thing i like about her is that she pronounces my name right. MAEgan. like, may. but mae. there was this guy in the class named tommy... he was cute. just saying. and i saw some people i used to go to school with. mind you, i left there at second grade, but i've seen some of them in places. so there's this girl named sophia and she and i never early got along all that well. and i learned today that she's incredibly stupid. because you know the division rule for six? how if the sum or something is divisible by 2 or 3? well she was all "ok, lets say 24, would that be divisible by 6 because of the two in it?" and i'm all yes, it is divisible by six but not like that, you stupid!! i wanted to smack her. slakfjdfkjdsbfinsdf i'm tired as hell. lizzie's coming over for dinner so i should take a power nap so i don't bit her head off. stay magical(:

Worst day of the year for me? february 14th. -_-

Mrs. Loy was a bitch today!!! see, allen forgot his homework today, so she made him do ten push ups. my poor allen!!! i love him, he's just so adorable. so, nick is just weird. he's always talking about "if we were dating this" and "if we were dating that". like today, it was freakishly cold and scott was like 30 minutes late, so i'm standing there freezing and nick gives me a hug but i hold his arm around my shoulder because well, it was cold and he was all (ok ya'll know i'm incredibly short) "if we were dating i wouldn't even have to put my arm up, you just fit" and then he told me the lowest grad he'll date a girl in is sixth grade. but she has to be tall so she doesn't really look like an sixth grader. and then he hugged me, and lifted me up and he was walking and i really didn't know where he was walking and he put me up against the wall and him being stupid was all "oo against the wall" and laughed his ass off. and then today because my hair was so super wet because of the snow, i looked bad and my nose and cheeks were all red so i was texting him and  i was all "why didn't you tell me i look bad?" and he was all "what?" and i go "my face. it looked bad" and he was all "well you always look good to me (:" yeah. whatever. him and elly say i ask for the whole lift up thing, which i don't really think i do, because i don't ask for it verbally, it sorta just happens like that. and i don't know if he meant it in a bad way or in joking way, but i'm going to stop for now and if he says something then it'll happen again. because  nick would say something, trust me. so today i went to my godbrothers house, dante. i love dante. i really do. he's just so cute. because we were talking about the whole lane testing thing and he was all "you'll be fine, trust me you're smart as hell so it's all good." then i was all "what if i make it, but everybody hates me and i don't make any friends" and he was all "maegan, you're cool as shit you're going to make friends. and if you don't i'll introduce you to my friends, you can hang with us, and you'll make friends because they'll think you're so cool for hanging with sophomores" so he's got it all figured out for me. :] speaking of lane testing, i have that tomorrow, and i'm nervous as shit. like,  i know it's an easy test, but...i don't know i'm just scared. but maria, sam , and brian are going to be there so that makes me feel better. stay magical(:

9gag

i think coming up with how to start off a post is the hardest part for me. anyways! crazy stuff has been happening. so, nick text me and he was pretending to be nico. he kept coming up with excuses. like i was all "send me a pic of you" and he said "my new phone does't have a camera because i had to buy it with my own money" and so i said "what do you call emilia?" muchkin, remember? and he said " i don't call her anything" yeah, then i was all "who is this?" and he's all "your hug buddy" he just so happens to be my hug buddy now. then again i was all "just tell me who you are" and he said "take a guess :)" and so i said "nick?" and he was all " :)" so then i was all "eff you nick!!!! eff you!!!" and he said "haha love you too <3" crazy. omg williams so cute. because i'm walking in the hallway and then he comes with his arms in hugging position and goes "we never talk anymore" and i'm like "Aw. but you don't hang out with sam anymore so i didn't know.." and he's all "because i don't hang with sam anymore doesn't mean we can't hang out?" and i kind of just lost it at that point and almost cried. adorable. then after school i saw him, and i gave him a hug and he was all " I LOVE YOU!!!!" so then me being me goes "I LOVE YOU!!!" aren't we just adorable?(: so angel said the girl he likes was just pretty. that's it. so i went up to him and i'm all "that was very offensive" and he goes "What?" and i go "you said the girl you like was just pretty. but i bet she's DAMN gorgeous." *laughs* i'm such a terrible person. so then he text me and was all "you're right, the girl i like is gorgeous" and i go "awh, cute(:. wait how do i know if you're lying or not? ':/" and he goes "trust me, i'm not. she's PRETTY.' >.< love it. i think that's my favorite face now. >.< you"ll probably be seeing it a lot. idk why, but my self esteem level has been seriously low. like i see my self as super fat, ugly, and just...idk nasty. i seriously need help. and not from my therapist from someone who i truly know won't possibly be lying to me, when they tell me i'm pretty, or skinny. that's what i need. for someone to tell me i'm pretty, or skinny. and mean it. idk, i'm just mentally insane like that. i absolutely love my therapist though. because i went to her yesterday and she made me popcorn. and a capri sun. which was wild cherry, btw. doesn't she know that no one likes wil cherry? seriously, get with the times lady... so ever since i got nicks number, he's been so super cute. he's always giving me hugs and being silly and defending me. but the only reason i think he's doing it is because he just broke up with his girlfriend, and she dumped him, so i think he's sad and trying to cover it up. i think it's so terrible when a girl dumps a guy. especially if the guy was series, its like come on, what kind of sick minded person are you? sad. ohmigod, my soda just fell i'm scared to open it. well, mother just got home and i'm not supposed to have a blog so i'm gonna guy. stay magical(: (I'm thinking about ending all my blogs like that, idk)

Shoes

alright, this is like super weird. i'm eating a kid cuisine. i haven't eaten one of these since we lived in the apartment on mozart. and i was seven when we moved out. crazy. so, angel is just...sad. he keeps telling me all these amazing features about the girl he likes, when it's so obviously me. sad. he said he might ask her out. which at this point, i'm kind of just waiting for it. i already told you my plan, and i'm sticking to it. period. so i think ms mccright seriously has something against me. she got so aggravated she said "I need chocolate". i drove her to chocolate. hm, that should be a t shirt. i'd wear it. anyway! today in gym, we had ladders, which literally scared the shit out of me. we had to climb to the top of a ladder, sit and then walk down. then we had to go on the back of the ladder (they were tilted) and climb up from the back, hanging, basically upside down. and then once we got to the top, we had to just hang there and then go down like that. scary. but coach dupont seemed to be satisfied with my doings. um, i don't really know what to talk about. how are you guys? (I'm going to be a you tuber here[:) leave a comment, telling me how you are. there's going to be two comments. maria and mandy. oh! so apparently if my name wasn't maegan people think i should've been candy. yup, people have named me candy. but it's not spelled like that it's spelled kandii. i'm basically a stripper non stripper. if that makes sense. i tried explaining that if my name wasn't maegan, it'd be crystal. or at least that's what my mama said. you know what i realized? you never really think of the cool kids having parents. you just look at them and think "yeah, you just know they're on they're own" but no. because i'm having with nick and he's like super awesome and he goes "i should've listened to my mom this morning when she said to put on jacket" and i immediately though "mom?!" it's weird. it's like, they just have that personality that never really makes you think they have parents. it's the same with teachers. quite strange actually. lizzie's pretty obsessed with edin now. like, before she used to go to the basketball games, for the actual games. but today, she told me she only goes for the games for edin. and she's all "i think i distract him" and I'm just all BITCH HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE YOU. if she hasn't noticed, he's been avoiding her ass like she's some sort of disease. drives me crazy how she thinks every single guy in the whole fucking school likes her all because one guy liked her for a short period of time. grr... one of these days.... oh! so my titles are still going to be things i like but it's going to be other titles as well. because lately i've been thinking of some good titles but i'm like damn! i can't use it because of the whole situation thing. so yeah, that's just whats going to be happening.

Sleeping

i don't know what people are talking about. they're all "detention is bad you're going to die they make you do all this shit blablabla" bitch please, all i did was read for an hour. people are crazy. it was probably the most relaxing moment of this whole week. so, angels been going crazy. he's like super obsessed with me now. like ok, calm down. and now bryans starting to act up again.... seriously these people could do a lot better than me. hm, whatever. so you know how nick is always lifting me up? today he scared the shit out of me. because i'm standing at post, and nick comes so i go and give him a hug and he like gives me a really long hug. and i was like "ok, this is getting awkward.." then BOOM he lifts me up. love it. i think nick is my favorite person to be lifted by. only because he's in eighth grade so he's like super super tall and he lifts me up pretty high. ok, so i was texting angel and he refused to tell me who he liked. i kinda just wanted him to admit and he basically did. so heres what happened. i was like "describe her. but don't be all her hair is this her eyes are that. say how you see her." and he goes (ok, tell me if this sounds like me) "she's in seventh grade, gifted, she's funny, i love her laugh and smile. she's pretty. she's sensitive and caring." sounds like me right? yeah then this kind of gave it away " and i don't want to tell you because it would be awkward when we hang out" :/ really? so me playing dumb goes "why would it be awkward?" i'm such a terrible person(: i'm considering taking him out of friendzone. idk, maybe i will. ok, so lizzie is like seriously obsessed with edin. on wednesday she got all dolled up for library because she sits next to him. like, i go to her house in the morning and i almost died because she put the whole fucking bottle of perfume on. oh! i was walking down the hallway with elly and victor was on my side of the hall and so elly, the genius, was all PUSH and pushed me into him. ok, this wouldn't be that bad if he hadn't backed away in complete and utter horror. he was probably thinking "EW YOUR FACE" yeah, but what he lacteally said was "woah" yeah, he was absolutely disgusted at the sight of my face. so yesterday, i'm waiting in the lunch line with elly and J.P and hailey were in front of us. mind you, we weren't even talking to them. so elly said something and i started laughing like crazy  and hailey turns around and goes "i love your laugh. it's just so cute" and then J.P goes "well maegan is just cute in general" and then hailey goes "i know! she's just so tiny and adorable" and then gives me this huge hug with her face all up against mine. but what killed me is that they were having this conversation like i wasn't even there! completely ignored my presence. and then today people were obsessed with my "cuteness" because jacky and sam were just going insane. then again, aren't we always going insane? tomorrow i have my first competition. and nor my father or sister are going. -_- i feel the love. then on sunday i have swan lake auditions. then on monday i get to relax. it's martin luther kind jr day so, no school. so i texted ricky because of this stupid little thing with mandy and we've been texting ever since. strange kid. how i wish i could sleep forever...

oh geez, i just realized i repeated the whole angel description scenario..... whatever i'm not going to erase it. lql

Blankets

woah, today was crazy. remember how  i told angel to contribute to society by asking the girl he likes out? well he didn't ask me out, but... just read. ok! so i was all "are you going to contribute to society like i told you to?" and he's like "how?" and i'm like "by asking the girl you like out!" and hes like "oh, maybe" and so i was like "you gotta tell me who it is" and he refused. so then we were texting and i was like "just describe her. but don't be like her hair is this her eyes are that. say it how you see it. adjectives!" and he said "she is funny. i love her laugh . she's pretty. no, beautiful. she's sensitive and caring. she's in seventh grade and shes in gifted. i don't wanna tell you becuase if you know itd be awkward when we hang out." that is so obviously me. and i was like "do you see her a lot?" and he goes "everyday." yeah.. and he told me to guess who it was so first i said elly then lizzie and i'm thinking i'm so not obviously going to guess me, duh. so yeah. It's jut crazy. So for science we have to make a skit for bullying. And there has to be two parts: what happens when no one does something and when someone does something. My group consists of sam, jacky, and veronica. People say veronicas weird and everything just because she's shy. But she's actually funny and cool. I like her. So in my skit i'm the bully, sams the victim jackys the bystabder and veronicas the teacher. Sam has to put on nerd glasses, i put my hair in a bun, veronica gets a clip on tie, and jacky puts on headphones. I fake punch sam. Like i do the thing where you hit your hand. Yeah. Geez, i gotta go to sleep or my moms going to yell at me. Goodnight gorgeous ( or handsome). I love you(:

Hugs

I'm highly upset. because i went to jazz expecting Mr Brantley to tell us who got the leads and he hasn't even assigned them yet! the man had three months. three months. ugh, so upset. so anyways! today was awfully awkward. because I'm at my post, and angel comes and so it's kind of just us there and i was going to give him his Christmas present, but stupid kasim kasim (yes, that's his real full name) comes and starts talking with angel. they were doing the usual guy insult thing. so I'm standing there and this is what ended up happening.
kasim: *looks at me then angel* are you dating her?
Angel: *pauses* *in a very very sad voice* no. no were not
omg i felt so bad!! i told him to ask the girl he likes out, but nooo he's too chicken shit to do it. so then kasim laves and me and angel go down stairs. so angel leaves to go to his game, and he gives me the biggest hug in the whole wide world. his friends actually were  yelling at him. it was funny though because Uriel was yelling at him and angel was like "hey!" and then he was like "yeah because we we all know you-" then angel was screaming "ALRIGHT! WELL WE GOTTA GO TO PRACTICE, SO SHUT UP URIEL!!" love it. so, nick has a girlfriend and he hasn't been coming to post. this upsets me so much. see, whenever i would get a hug from nick, he would lift me up. note how it is a past title. so imagine getting something you love everyday and then boom it all ends because he decided to get a girlfriend. and they don't even look that cute together but apparently it's an adorable relation ship. whatever. damn! everyone's getting in relation ships! nick has caitlyn (sp?), omar has idalit, victor has stephanie. its just crazy. and wheres mine and Marias boy? well, mine is either at st hilary with broken leg, or at Prussing with the basketball team. i think angles going to ask me out, first. to be honest, i'd love it if he did because i know i don't need a boyfriend, but having one is nice. and poor maria.... if i were a guy, i'd date here. wow, that sounded a whole lot less creepy in my head. lql. i didn't mean it in a creepy way, just so you know. so, about this whole detention thing, my mom is kind of going crazy. like she's all onto of me on everything now. like seriously, calm down. i need to see my therapist. see, i really like it. having a therapist and all, because i can tell her everything and she won't judge. that's what i realyyy love about her is that she doesn't judge.  because if she did she would be the worst therapist in the world. no one wants to think they can go to someone and tell them everything and then be judged about it. because for all we know, they're suffering from depression and she just made it worse and next thing you know the police are finding that person in their closet hung by a rope all because their stupid mom is going crazy about one little detention....

Being lifted

well, today was the day i died on the inside officially. see, i forgot to turn in my progress report signed so now i have a detention. this ruins everything! if i get a detention, it's going to go on my record, if it goes on my record. I'll never make it into a good high school and everything just ends for me. but it's not like i did anything bad. i just didn't tun in a piece of paper. here's what's going to end up happening. I'm going to tell my mom because i need to get the paper signed, she's going to totally freak out and start treating me like a total delinquent. terrible. this will affect my whole life. no kidding. the only somewhat good thing about it, is that there's a possibility victor will be there too. he gets detentions. angel had detention today, hilarious. speaking of angel, he was very supportive about the situation. he met me at my post, and i almost cried (wow aren't i a lame ass -_-) and he was like holding me and blablabla. i think it's my fault because i told him the reason the world was so bad was because there aren't enough couples in the world, so he should ask the girl he likes out. and you know what he said? he said he's been thinking about it for a while now. *sigh* i really do feel bad for the kid. so yesterday, i forgot to say this i was walking down the hall and i see this kid named nick Ayala. to him, I'm his smurf . that's my nickname because I'm so short. anyways! I'm walking down the hall and he's like "smurf!" and opens his arms, obviously wanting a hug. so i just keep walking. then about two minutes later, i see him again and he ditches his girlfriend to come give me a hug. (ok i didn't mean that like omg he loves me he left his girlfriend. no. he's in eighth grade, and is probably twice my size) but he didn't just give me a hug, he did what he always does, he lifts me up. as you can tell by previous posts, and the title i love being picked up, oh so much. and i' always getting picked up. Landon. angel, nick. its crazy. Landon lifted me forever and nick lefts me every time i see him. angel, well i stopped letting angel lift me because he held me way too long. so, because i;m always getting lifted up, Elly hates it. she's just like "i never get picked up. never" love it, it's hilarious. but i do very much enjoy it. so! today was cray. because Scott told me could stay at school until 3:05 so i did. and i did tell him that my phone was dead, and yeah. so anyways, he pulled up to the school, and i didn't acknowledge him at all, and then he started yelling all crazy and giving me this whole lecture about how i shouldn't treat him like shit. and blablabla. and he also said one of the most offensive things ever he was all "don't treat me like some red headed orphan in the corner, with no friends" he clearly hasn't seen Annie.  he's just insane. and he was like "I'm just giving you things to think about lalala" whatever, and I'm thinking "yeah, you're making me think about how I'm going to runaway, and what to put in the letter I'll leave." i swear, one day I'm going to do it. just. leave.

Watching a dance in perfect unison

ok, so basically being back at school is weird. not weird like i'm on acid weird, it's just weird because now i'm getting up at six in the morning again when usually i'd just be falling asleep right around then. gotta get back in the swing of things. today was fun, i guess. got to see all me people again <3 but i think the person who was the most weird to see was angel. because over winter break he would always say these cute things like "don't worry, you'll look beautiful" or "he's just mad because he wishes he could kiss a pretty girl like you" and angel isn't like that in person, he acted like everything was normal but i was like waiting for something crazy to happen. ok! so i felt bad that i didn't get him a christmas present so i told him i'd just give him a kiss on the cheek. i already friend zoned him so whatever. and i was going to after school but scott came all crazy and saying how we had to go because he's got some people at his job or something like that. anyways, before all that i told angel to meet me at my post for marshals and mrs flesor (teacher from hell) let them out late, so i finally met up with him right after marshaling had ended so we're walking and you could so tell he wanted that kiss, it was pretty obvious. he was like putting his arm around me and ditching people just to be with me. *sigh* poor angel. like i said i would date him if he asked me out. i guess now i'm completely over victor. yeah, i really like nico. oh! and guess what?!?! ok,so camryn has this dance coming up at her school and she said she'd take me to meet nico. yeah, and there's a slow dance. so you never know ;]. like i said in another blog i never got to dance with a guy at my dance because of fucking lizzie. maybe this will be my chance. here's my concern though, i'm a tiny 4'9 and nicos 5'4. see, i thought that i wouldn't be able to reach him. Well, it turns out that camryn in 5'3 and a half and i can reach her fine so whatever. BUT what if i'm not what he thought i was? Like he had this whole vision of what i look like and then he meets me and i'm uglier or fatter or weirder than he thought. Sure, we've skyped but that's just my face. Idk camryn says i'm absolutely gorgeous and he'll leave emelia for me and if he doesn't its his loss. love her. I'm prerty excited to meet him i guess. I might not even go. I just…have the biggest crush on him. Whatever, tommorow i'm going to hang out with angel after school so we'll see how that goes. Oh yeah don't forget the whole title thing. Just reminding. Love you:]

We had a normal conversation....

ok, so for the next couple of blogs, the tile is going to be some of my favorite things, got it? good. anyways!! this weekend was spent by my old house, at my neighbors. it was so mch fun. ok, so yesterday, i went to orchard park with mikaela and bryanna. and jason. holy shit, seeing jason was fun as hell. the only thing thats changed about him was he got somewhat attractive. i was wearing sunglasses and he took them and wore them the whole day. yeah, nothings changed.  ok,so this guy named landon showed up. and right away, i knew something was going to happen because when he got there, he was just staring at me for a good five minutes. then mikaela left and the guys. landon, jason, matthew. grabbed my iPod, and started throwing it around. mind you, it was extremely cold outside and i really didn't feel like running to get it, so i kind of just let them do their thing. then they started trying to open it, by guessing multiple pass codes. so, i really didn't want my iPod to be disabled so i asked for it back. yeah, no they wouldn't give it back. so then at one point, i guess i got a little too close to jason and my iPod and landon grabbed me from behind, picked me up and just held me there forever. ok, i love love love love love love love love being picked up. especially by guys. and then he put me down and was kind of just holding my hand to keep me away. and then he did that thing where guys hug you from behind, but its not really a hug, more like a hug around the neck, but not a choke. you get what i'm saying. and if you don't, i'm terribly sorry. but if i know you, and you don't get what i'm saying, i'll show you. anyways!! landon eventually kept picking me up constantly and hugging me like that, and staring at me, it was pretty obvious he was into me. and he is not unattractive. but all of this happened after mikaela left. see, she used to like landon, and i think landon knew and didn't want to make her mad, or something. i don't know it's just a theory. oh! guess what!!!!! ok, so i sent in an application for the eighth grade program for lane, and they said they want me to test to get in! ahhh!!!! i test on the 21st. if i make it into the eighth grade thing, then it's a guaranteed in for high school there. it would be amazing. it seems pretty easy to make friends, and i guess i'm somewhat attractive,so should get some guy friends too. and nico says he wants to go to lane too, so if we go to the same high school, we could maybe possible date ;] yeah, crazy. oh! the title, i must explain it. ok, so jason was very obsessed with geo while we were dating and was pretty upset when he found out we broke uo, so he was constantly calling geo. and then like maybe eh, two hours after we all left the park geo sent me a text saying "hi, is this maegan?" because he deleted my number, -_-. and i was like yeah,sorry about the phone calls, blablabla and then he made me explain why jason kept calling him, and i was like, it's going to be awkward to explain and he was like no tell me, so i had to explain about when we were dating and stuff like that, and he was just like ohhh. yeah, he can't say i didn't warn him about the awkwardness. i got a hug from jason! you guys don't even understand how bad i wanted that hug. see, i used to have this major crush in him and i'm totally over it now (duh, nico) but i guess the urge to hug him was still there, so i just had to. but i didn't sound like a lonely freak when i got it, because he asked me for a hug. you could sooo tell he missed me. he was yelling at me about how i said i'd move back, but never did. so i told him i might move back next year and he made me promise. and then he jumped over me. yeah, he had me bend down a little bit at the end of a picnic table and he ran and jumped. it was sooo much fun. oh yeah and landon was like getting attacked by matthew, so again, he picked me up, and started swinging me around claiming i was his "weapon". i hope i get to see him again. i love being lifted. hm , maybe it will be a blog title...

Soft & dreamy

so, yesterday, i went ice skating with lizzie. it was pretty fun. so, there were these two guys. and they were like super super good ice skaters. and at first, we didn't think much of them. and then they started following us. like, they would wait at every corner for us, then when we'd pass them up, they would skate right behind us. then they were having a dance competition in the middle of ice traffic so i went around them, pretty fast. then i get to the other side of their little thing and i turn around and wait for lizzie. then i see one of them. the cutest one. slowly turn his head around. so i'm just watching him, then he notices that i can see what he's doing, looks at me, then quickly turns his head around. and then when ice skating was over, i guess they were working for the place because they were rounding up all the people. so, they were like yelling out that ice skating was over. like, yelling pretty loud. then lizzie and i are so obviously skating towards the exit when they decide to come up to us and tell us personally that ice skating has ended. then when lizzie and i were outside of the rink, and we were by scott and my mom, scott had a question and i was standing next to scott. so the kid was about to yell out the answer, but he looked, saw me, then quickly skated over, stopped directly in front of me, and continued on with the answer. and he lived like right across the street from the place, i guess because he was walking like right in front of lizzie and i. so me and lizzie stopped walking, and waited until he was farther up ahead. so me being me, i was yelling out "YO!!" and nothing happened so i yelling it again "YOO!!!" and this time he turned around and saw that it was me and lizzie. so, he stopped, looked, smiled, turned around and kept walking. it was funny. so anyways, its set in stone that lizzie likes edin. that's alllll she would talk about yesterday. edin this, edin that blablabla. so decided to pullout the nico card, and tell her all the cute things nico has ever said to me. i won, by the way. so then nico texts me. and he was flirting, like he always does, but this time idk what was up with him. so i said: "i'm sleepy.." and he said "really? who's with you?" and i go "mmhh, and no one." so then he goes "you wanna sleep in my arms?" and so i go "yes" and he's like "really?!" and i go "mmhh" and then he goes ":D" like, ok dude, calm down. you've asked me that question like three times already. so yeah, i don't know what his deal was. anyways, today i'm going to the mall to buy shoes because the rubber on the bottom of mine is coming off. i think i'm getting osiris. and mandy, idk if you hate them or not (it seems like you would) but i really like them, ok?! but heres the thing: i have to take a cab to my moms job. with my grandma of course. see, heres the deal. i hate cabs. absolutely hate them. ever since i got this one really creepy driver. and i don't know what kind of driver i'm getting, but i'm bringing my pocket knife. you. never. know. but i told my mom to ask the cab people to give us a driver that won't talk and will just get us there quick and easy. see my thing is, he's going to take us to my moms job but just drive right past it. now, i can easily jump out of the car, but my grandma. not so much. i'm. too. young. to. die. period. apparently, according to my mother, my grandma can kick ass, but think that was just a lie. let's just hope god loves me today, and nothings going to happen. i just won't sit in the middle, cuz they always talk to whoever's in the middle. i really hate cabs. i don't understand why we can't just take the bus. whatever, i'll just stab the guy. if i really need to.